Urgent anti-bully message to educators: Do more to stop it

Urgent anti-bully message to educators: Do more to stop it is a cross-blog from Annie Fox’s Blog

Annie Fox, M.Ed., is an internationally respected parenting expert, 

award-winning author, and a trusted online adviser for tweens teens.

(via @TeachersApps) 

They say schools are no longer in the business of teaching good citizenship, character, ethics or whatever you want to call it because educators are too busy “teaching to the test.” There’s no test for character that can be graded to give districts bragging rights for getting their scores up, so why teach this stuff? Because there actually is a test for character. It’s called Life and we ought to be teaching to it. When we don’t, we get this…

Hey Terra,

People at school don’t like me because me and this popular girl got into a little fight and I won. To get even she spread rumours about me saying I was in a mental institution for weird and violent behavior (a complete lie). Then everyone started to insult and ignore me. She does it the most. They say stuff like “Hey freak! No one likes you, so why dont you take a long walk off a short bridge?” Everyday. I don’t get a break from it. I insult them back. I know I probably shouldn’t bother, but it’s really hard not to. It’s like automatic for me now. I don’ t like being told to basically die. It’s not right for anyone to be told that.

So Fed Up

See it. Name it. Stop it.

Dear Fed Up,

These kids are being rude and cruel. I know it’s hard to hear this crap and try to brush it off. I’ve heard it said that no one can bring you down without your permission. That’s kinda true and kinda not. Humans are wired to be emotional. We’re also wired to want other people to like us. So when someone shouts angry words in your face or online, your human wiring kicks in. Your heart beats faster (and not in a good way) and you feel attacked. Even if the person isn’t someone you know or care about. Even if what he or she says is a lie. Words hurt. We feel it. So I totally understand the temptation to attack back. Except… it doesn’t help. You’ve seen that. It just makes things worse. Like throwing gasoline on a fire. That won’t put it out.

But you need to learn to take care of yourself. That doesn’t mean yelling nasty stuff back at people who are mean to you. You need to take care of yourself by figuring out how to response so that

a) you don’t give anyone permission to push your buttons so you automatically react like a puppet and
b) at least one adult at school and/or at home steps in and gets to the bottom of this so that this girl and her followers no longer feel they’ve got the right to talk to you or anyone in this way.

I just took my fingers off the keyboard for a minute.  I’m taking a deep breath now, because hearing about this stuff every day really upsets me. I feel frustrated there are kids who believe it’s OK to be mean to other kids. I also feel frustrated that the adults who run schools (principals, counselors, teachers, coaches) have not done a better job making school a safer more accepting place for all students all the time.

Still breathing. It helps. Take some deep breaths on your own whenever you need to calm down. Then think about what would really make this situation better. Forget about trying to talk to the girl. Go to adults in power. Talk to your parents. Tell them what you told me. Tell them just how Fed Up you are. Talk to the principal (with or without your parents). Talk to the school counselor. This has to stop. Adults can make it stop. Remind them it’s their job.

Take care.
In friendship,
Terra

————–

I’m so sick of the situations that prompt these emails. Where are the adults in charge? Do they really not know what’s going on? Do they believe it’s not part of their “job” to get involved with fights between students? Do they worry they’ll get no support from their administrators if they step in? Do they worry they’ll get  in trouble with parents for calling out kids who are disrepecting other kids? Or have they just given up, believing that peer harassment is a problem bigger than any remedy they might offer in the moment?

I don’t know what school administrators and teachers think about the bullying that persists in their schools. Why don’t you tell me? I’m listening.

– See more of Annie Fox here

6 Things You Can Do Before Breakfast to Make Your Day a Success

By Gurbaksh Chahal (Chairman & CEO at RadiumOne)

Good morning!

I mean it. Have a good start to your day and you’ll greatly enhance your chances of having a successful day, every day. The discipline of an early bird will manifest itself in many ways, or as Benjamin Franklin put it way back in the 1700’s, “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.”

The saying is just as true today as it was then and many of the most accomplished people on the planet have been shown to be early risers. But it’s not just a matter of getting up early that counts; what really counts is what you do with that extra time while the world at large is still slumbering. (Note: getting up early shouldn’t come at the expense of getting enough sleep).

Knowing how to leverage your time before breakfast will undoubtedly have a positive and productive outcome. So, here are six habits that those successful early risers employ.

Make a Fresh Start. This is actually something you should do way before breakfast—in fact, it’s best to do it the night before. Remove the clutter of yesterday both mentally and physically. Clean up your ‘to do’ list. Erase from the list the tasks you have accomplished and start a new list for the new day. Take a look at your desk before you leave the office (even if your office is at home). If papers and files are scattered haphazardly all over it, is that what you want to greet you at the start the day? Not a welcoming sight and not one likely to make you feel enthusiastic about any project. So clean that up, too.

Get Physical. Working out first thing in the morning will give you a burst of energy that lasts for hours. It’s a habit you should try hard to acquire and you can choose what works for you—a brisk walk or jog; hitting the gym; whatever. People who exercise regularly experience a positive boost in mood and are generally better off when dealing with tough decisions life throws at you. That’s because when you exercise your body releases “feel good” chemicals called endorphins that lead to a positive and energizing outlook on life. A byproduct of regular physical activity is improved self-esteem.

Take Time to Think. This might be the only quiet time of the day, your only chance to be alone and able to seriously reflect on everything that’s happening in your life. It’s your opportunity before the hurly-burly of the “work day” to let your mind wander and do some big picture thinking. You’ll be surprised how establishing quiet time like this to review where your business or career is heading can spark all kinds of breakthroughs.

Focus on Today. Plan your day ahead. Visualize the success you are going to enjoy. But first shake off any hangover from the day before. Don’t carry forward any stresses or aggravations. Wipe the slate clean and make a new beginning. If you need to take corrective action of any kind make sure that you do so with the right attitude for a new day. That might mean making a tough decision, setting the record straight with someone or maybe apologizing to someone. Whatever it is, get it out of the way.

Wake up Slowly. During sleep your brain is extraordinarily active filtering and processing the events of the day before. But when you’re waking fresh in the morning and still half asleep your mind—in this relaxed state—can often deliver creative solutions. Try it and see. With a little practice who knows what you will come up with? Sometimes, our dreams are where we store our best ideas.

Earlier is better. Whatever your current schedule try to get up even earlier. Even if it’s just 15 minutes. And spend that time wisely. Put into effect any of the tips provided above. If you can make it 30 minutes earlier, so much the better. You can’t buy time but you can give yourself a gift of time. Time is precious, so make the most of it. Waking up, jumping in and out of the shower, grabbing a coffee and rushing out the door sets the wrong tone for the day.

Energy is everything. Start with positivity, and that will set the stage for the rest of your day – no matter what problems are thrown at you.

If you want to conquer this world, do it only when you’re at your best.

via Linkedin

Listverse: 10 Things You Didn’t Know You Could Smell

by J. F. Sargent, January 27, 2013

If it came to the crunch, and we were faced with losing one of our “five senses,” is there a single person who wouldn’t part with his sense of smell? Sure, it’s nice and all—but it just doesn’t compare to the usefulness of sight, the necessity of feeling, and the awesomeness of sound.

Or so at least we’ve been told. It turns out that the lamest sense is actually a lot more powerful than you might imagine. There’s an unbelievable array of subtle, subconscious things that we just wouldn’t be able to pick up without a functioning nose.

10 - You Can Smell How Old Someone Is

You’re probably familiar with the idea that old people stink. Whether it’s from first-hand experience, or just general pop-culture osmosis, somewhere along the line most of us begin to accept the concept of an “old person smell” as a fact of life. And in a weird way, we’re not wrong.

In a study which rather sadistically placed pads under people’s armpits and then gave them to others to sniff, scientists found that the sniffers could reliably distinguish the odors of people over seventy-five from the odors of other people.

Interestingly, the odor isn’t necessarily bad. Scientists believe that the negative stigma around the “old person smell” concept has more to do with a fear of old age than an actual negative response to someone’s body-stink.

 9 - You Can Wake Yourself Up With Smell

Since it’s the world’s most popular psychoactive drug, it’s fairly safe to assume that most of us enjoy a cup of joe every now and again. But according to one study, you may not actually have to drink it to get the necessary effects.

By studying the effects of coffee aroma on rats, scientists found that coffee’s smell makes the brain release proteins that will protect nerve cells from stress. Which is exactly what coffee does to you when you drink it.

 8 - You Can Smell Fear

Though it sounds like a movie tagline, the ability to smell fear is something humans really did develop for defensive purposes. Not only can we learn to identify what fear smells like in other people, but we will naturally become afraid ourselves after smelling it.

The evolutionary idea behind this ability is that humans, like all social animals, are strongest when acting as a group. If one person is so stunned by panic that he can’t communicate his emotions, the stink of his terror (as well as his body language) will spread fear to the others in his or her group. This keeps everyone’s actions—or at least their emotions—coordinated.

These days we don’t have so many encounters with predators. But we do have horror movies in theaters, and the principle still works in essentially the same way.

 7 - Women Can Smell When a Man Is Horny

Men might hope that they’re being subtle in their advances, but scientific studies have revealed that there’s simply no hiding their arousal from a woman. She can smell how turned on a man is—and not just in a subconscious way. In studies, sniffing pads soaked with the sweat of horny men was found to activate parts of a woman’s brain normally associated with perceiving emotions in others.

But what about men? Do their noses play any role in their eternal efforts to get some? Certainly—but not in the same way. While women have a definite advantage when it comes to perceiving the intentions of their potential sexual partners, men have a slightly different ability:

 6 - Men Can Smell When a Woman Is Ovulating

While a man’s ability to pick up on a woman’s sexual excitement might be entirely subconscious, his ability to tell when a woman is ready to get pregnant isn’t. In a blind study, scientists discovered that heterosexual men sniffing the T-shirts of various women would consistently label those of ovulating or fertile women as more “pleasant” or “sexy” than the T-shirts of other women who weren’t ready to conceive. Apparently, men can identify this scent up to a week after the clothes were worn.

 5 - You Can Smell a Compatible Sexual Preference

When you examine the findings from various studies about individuals’ sexual preference towards different body odors, an interesting pattern occurs: sexuality is actually detectable by odor.

If a straight man is given the T-shirts of a combination of gay and straight men and women, he will consistently find the odor of the straight women more pleasant than the odor of any other group. The same is true for gay men: they will be more attracted to the scent of other gay men, and so on for every other group.

Though the findings are hardly conclusive, this does provide strong scientific support for the idea that homosexuality is based in neurobiology, rather than being an individual’s choice.

 4 - You Can Smell Which Direction an Odor Is Coming From

We have the ability of a bloodhound, and we didn’t even know it.

It turns out that every human is born with the ability of “egocentric localization.” That’s the ability to tell where a smell is coming from without even moving one’s head—in exactly the same way that people can pinpoint the origin of a sound. It’s a skill that all of us possess, but which most of us never bother to hone.

 3 - You Can Smell How to Do Better On a Test

So far all these nasal tricks have been neat and perhaps unexpected, but not especially useful. So here’s one that’ll actually improve your day: you can use your nose to get better grades.

You probably know that smells can trigger a flood of old memories—but what you may not know is that without a sense of smell, you may have not been able to recall that memory at all. It turns out that olfactory (smell) perception is far more closely linked to memory than you realize: it stimulates both the ability to recall things and the ability to commit those things to memory. 

So next time you study while rubbing yourself down with lavender oil, be sure to take some lavender oil to the test. 

 2 - Women Can Smell How Sexy Men Are

Most of us have heard that facial symmetry is one of the most important factors in a person’s level of attraction. But studies show that symmetry isn’t just something we see—it’s something we also smell.

In a study that (once again) involved smelling other people’s dirty T-shirts, scientists found that women will rate the smell of symmetrical men as more attractive than that of non-symmetrical men—even when they’ve never smelled, seen, or even met the men in question before.

Basically, sexy people smell sexy—and so do their clothes.

 1 - You Can Smell How Healthy Your Offspring Will Be

Humans consistently make their choice of sexual partner based on whether or not the other person’s Major Histocompatibility Complex is different from their own. The Major Histocompatibility Complex, or MHC, are the molecules in the body that fight foreign invaders, like germs and viruses.

Choosing a mate with a different MHC than your own will improve your offspring’s MHC, meaning that they’ll have a stronger immune system and will be more resistant to disease. Women are most likely to be attracted to men who have a different MHC—and interestingly, it seems that the sense of smell is pretty much the only way to determine the compatibility.

The best piece of advice for young people looking to find a serious partner? Follow your nose.

J. F. Sargent is a workshop moderator and frequent contributor at Cracked.com

silly list: This is why I'll never be an adult

I thought I'd share this chart from Hyperbole and a Half as my silly list for the week:

(click to enlarge)

Weekend review: Joburg hail storm

Joburg hail storm: Watch this incredible footage of the intense hail storm that hit Johannesburg over the weekend.

WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR - DANNY ROSE

Uploaded by DanRoManagement on Mar 27, 2012

"This is my marriage proposal video to the love of my life. I cant imagine anyone telling us we cannot get married! The song is available on iTunes and 100% of the profits will goto marriage equality. Please enjoy and share and comment!"

http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/what-are-we-waiting-for-single/id512975897

What I learned about...

RAILROAD TRACKS:

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used?

Because that's the way they built them in England and English expatriates designed the US railroads.

Why did the English build them like that?

Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways and that's the gauge they used. 

Why did 'they' use that gauge then?
Because the people who built the
tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels wouldbreak on some of the old, long distance roads in England , because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So who built those old rutted roads?

Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England ) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads?
Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

 Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever. 

The next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with this?', you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just
wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses' butts.)

Now - the twist to the story:

A Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad has two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs.

The SRBs are made by Thiokol at a factory in Utah.

Engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel.

The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system, was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass!

And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important!

Decoding Academia

via Facebook

Brilliantly correct incorrectness

Image from "Absolutely Pathetic" via Google Image search

My Mom sent me this funny list of questions and answers:

ANSWERS OF A BRILLIANT STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% (I would have given him 100%) Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? his last battle Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? at the bottom of the page Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? liquid Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? marriage Q5. What is the main reason for failure? exams Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? lunch & dinner Q7. What looks like half an apple? the other half Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? it will simply become wet Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?? No problem, he sleeps at night. Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.. Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? Very large hands Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? No time at all, the wall is already built. Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? Concrete floors are very hard to crack.

CALL FOR VOLUNTEERS: Special Olympics Missouri Northwest Area

Hello All,

We are gearing up for our 2012 District Bowling Competition for Special Olympics Missouri that will be held in St. Joe, MO March 3-4! We will be utilizing Belt Bowl and Southside Family Fun Center for this amazing event! 

We are still in need of volunteers to ensure that we provide the best bowling competition to our athletes. They deserve the best!  If you are interested in volunteering we could really use your help. We have 1200 SOMO Athletes coming into town to compete. They must win a gold or silver medal in order to advance to the State Tourney in Columbia in May. If you would like to be a part of this special event you can sign up to volunteer at the link below:

Volunteer Link: here

Then click on: St. Joseph District Bowling March 3-4

We hope that you can make it out that weekend. When you visit our volunteer site you can click whichever shifts fit into your time schedule. We would truly appreciate you sending this on to anyone you think might be interested in being a part of this event. Thank you!!!

Katie Hrenchir | Associate Area Director | Special Olympics Missouri Northwest Area

520 Francis Street | St. Joseph, MO  64501 | P: 816-233-6232 | F: 816-233-0130

www.somo.org | hrenchir@somo.org | Be a fan.  Like us on Facebook.

Take the pledge to stop using the word “retarded” and start treating others with respect.

www.r-word.org.

A Manifesto For Free Radicals: Less Paperwork, Less Waiting, More Action

I very much enjoyed, and identified with, Scott Belsky's article:

A Manifesto For Free Radicals: Less Paperwork, Less Waiting, More Action

I've been thinking about the emergence of a new type of 21st-century professional. I call them "free radicals" because they take their careers into their own hands and put the world to work for them. The commoditization of once-pricey resources like business management services (now in the cloud) and everything open-source is the wind at their backs.

Free Radicals are resilient, self-reliant, and extremely potent. You'll find them working solo, in small teams, or within large companies. They're everywhere, and they're crafting the future.

Follow the link above, to read his article.

like Wednesday after a long weekend

Gay high school athletes blog (from: outsports.com)

Jan 8th, 2011 

by Jim Buzinski.

“Three kids. Three time zones. One mission …” That’s the tagline for a fantastic new blog, “Walk the Road” (with the url www.bradrobertben.wordpress.com), created and written by three gay teenage high school athletes. That’s unusual in and of itself. What makes it even more unique is that the three are not anonymous.

The three bloggers are Brad Usselman, 16, (a runner from Washington state in the Pacific time zone); Ben Newcomer, 16, (a soccer player from the Southeast in the Eastern time zone) and Robert, 17 (a soccer player from the South in the Central time zone). Robert is not using his last name since he lives in a conservative area, but like Brad and Ben he is using his photo and is comfortable telling his story. (For those wondering, I have verified all their identities).

I have been e-mailing, texting and webcamming regularly with the three since Brad first wrote me and I am very impressed by their drive, intelligence, energy and passion; they are also just fun to talk with.

For example, I asked Brad what his goals are for the blog and he replied: “One goal is to dance on ‘Ellen.’ Another one is to help the younger generations. The last goal is to meet Lady Gaga. Those can go in any order, haha.”

The blog actually got its start in the aftermath of last year’s Mikey hoax (the alleged teen hockey player who turned out to be a 40-something married man). Said Brad:

“Finding out that he was a phony destroyed me, and I went through a hard time because I built up a relationship with a lot of people on that website. Still to this day I have not found a blog with an openly gay high school athlete who uses his real name. My friends and I would like to change that. … Our goal is hopefully to change people’s perceptions that openly gay athletes would be ostracized from their sports team. Also, we want to build a grass-roots movement with my generation to show that equality isn’t just something we strive for, equality is something we want now and we will go against society’s view of being normal to prove our point.”

They are committed to making a difference for other LGBTQ young athletes, wanting them to know they are not alone. As Ben wrote me about how easy it is for athletes to stay hidden in the closet: “Gay people who fit in shouldn’t feel like they have to just because they can.”

While there have been anonymous blogs by gay athletes, this is the first I know of where the bloggers are in high school and not hiding who they are. That alone makes their blog special and makes them more real and accessible since they are not freaked out about hiding details or of someone finding out. It will make their blog that much richer.

From left: Ben, Brad, Robert

Excerpts from some of their first posts give a glimpse of what they’re about:

Ben:

You could call me gay. Or you could call me bisexual. Or you could call me straight, or pansexual, or maybe just Ben. These labels that define our sexuality, personality, individuality are just that. They are labels. Labels that people use to box up society into neat little packages. I am here to say to those people, “Here’s a run for your money.” Labels are comforting, but where’s the fun in life without a little ambiguity?

Brad:

I have grown up in a society filled with stereotypes of every group of people. These unhealthy views of certain people destroy some. I myself have been affected. Words such as “faggot” and “homo” being used in daily conversations have shut the closet door on me and not let me out. But I made a promise to be who I am and not let others define me just by my sexuality. I, Brad Usselman, am a varsity athlete who is gay and this is my story.

Robert:

We are free to be what whatever we chose to be and how to do it. I was led down a rough path for many years until I began to figure out who I am and how I’ve become stronger in spite of the past. In retrospect it is better to be happy with whom you are rather than try to be something you are not.

Their banner image is of a solitary man walking down a tree-lined road. It has the words “Walk the Road: One common goal.” The idea is that young people wrestling with their sexuality need not walk alone. As Robert said: “Walk the road came to mind just out of the blue. The picture that we have that top made me think of how alone, at times, I have felt and with that I came to ‘Walk the Road’ (being that the road resembles a sort of life’s path that a lot of us have been on).”

Via the blog we’re watching three young people during their coming out process. And it is a process, with all its ups and downs. They are out to their parents (Ben’s mom posted the first comment) and some friends, but not yet to their teams or to most people at their schools. Ben is also out to his twin brother, whom he plays with on a club soccer team, and assumes some teammates on his high school team might know. As for Brad, “I am not out yet to my teams but will be soon. I am guessing people already know but I have never faced any criticism.”

Being so open is not without its potential risks, and I have been wondering how they will deal with people stumbling across the blog by doing a web search. “I’m at the point where I’m not announcing it, but I think I’m all right with people finding out,” Ben said. Added Robert: “We understand there might be things that come with this blog, as well as maybe a few gay-bashers, but I think we can handle it, as well as ask for advice.”

I have been telling people about the blog and they immediately get its uniqueness. At the end of a long interview with out rugby player Gareth Thomas, I asked him to videotape a short greeting to the trio, who see Thomas as a role model. He readily agreed and the clip is up on the blog. Wrestler Hudson Taylor and his fiancée Lia Mandaglio have friended them on Facebook and are big supporters. When I mentioned the story to a mainstream media colleague, she immediately asked for their contact information to do a story.

What I especially like is that the blog is entirely run by the three (it is hosted on a free Wordpress account). As a point of disclosure, I have offered them editing and general blog advice, but the words, layout and ideas are all theirs.

The site is in its infancy but it will be enjoyable to see it grow. They have no intention of just writing post after post filled with teen angst about being gay, and will deal with those issues when appropriate. They also want to be seen as well-rounded people with differing interests -– Brad loves “Jersey Shore,” March Madness and dancing; Robert can talk intelligently at length about cars, the Chicago Bears and the English Premiere League; and I hope Ben writes about why Einstein, the Buddha and Henry David Thoreau inspire him.

Most of all, the blog has a tremendous potential to bring together other young athletes (or non-athletes) wrestling with their sexual identity. These are three people who know what it’s like to struggle with that at a difficult point in life, and their journey is far from complete. They want more people to tell their stories, comment on posts and connect with each other.

I urge everyone to check out “Walk the Road” and read their posts and bio pages. They would love feedback, so please leave comments (there is also an e-mail address). And if you like what you see, please pass the blog address on. Connecting gay teenagers is especially hard, so the more exposure for the blog the better the impact.

Update: Brad, Ben and Robert are already posting submissions from others. Check out thisemotional e-mail from a fraternity member at Mississippi State and this one from a college swimmer and why he is in the closet.