Lead by example

Precious few people seem to realize a fundamental law of adult life: Children will listen.

While it is true that all people (and not only parents) should pay heed to their influence on each consecutive generation – this fundamental law should be the foundation all teachers build from. We are, after all, right there. In front. Teaching.

All. The. Time.

School came out an hour early today, in order for all of us to prepare for the "TussenOnsFees" – an annual festival here in town. This year, our school was responsible for the food and drink at the festival. I was on the Braai Team (braai = mega bbq) with some of the other male teachers today, and had a lot of fun seeing these men more relaxed and jovial. We were also joined by a few learner volunteers. Obviously getting free access to the festival grounds worked extremely well as an incentive for them to want to help out *chuckles*.

Soon the crowds started growing and the festival kicked into gear. Entertainers sang, merchants plied their wares, cars were showed and lots of food and beverages kept everyone fed and happy. It wasn't the largest festival I've ever been to, but it was fun!

And then it happened:
As the day grew old and the beer tent grew full, I grew restless as I saw what the children saw and heard and felt: Grown-ups getting stupid, with parents and family misbehaving as the inebriated do.
The kids were watching, listening and learning.
They were learning from their elders.
They were being taught what they were to be taught against
come Sunday: "Do as I say, don't do as I do."

I wasn't in the position to do anything about these people acting the fool in front of their own children, but I was able to show that there was another way of doing things. Living sober is not the easiest choice to make all the time – but it is the only choice worth making.

This has to be my mission outside the classroom:
to do as I say, so others may do as I do... should they choose to.
I believe all teachers should lead by example.

All. The. Time.

A four day week

Four furious yet fabulous days of found fortitude and fulfillment!

This is how I choose to think of the week that has passed. Although it is true that there were terrifically trying times – where time itself was an issue alongside temper-teasers and tiny tots playing at tyranny. At the weekly end of the everlasting eddies in the Euphrates of education, everyone eases into either joyous entropy or enlightenment.

In other words: It is undeniably necessary for both teachers and learners to reflect, rethink and resume our days and weeks in peace – and with blank slates. I cannot harbor grudges or disheartened opinions against the kids I encounter at school. School is both a changing and a changed environment. As are the people within it. It is meant to be a place of learning and growing, and these processes include making mistakes, testing choices, relationships and barriers, finding our truths in ourselves and, hopefully, changing the world for the better.

If I am to be successful at teaching happy, healthy people - I need to be one, and love them all equally.
Come what may.

New

staring at a full moon
spilling over crashing waves
spraying foam in shining eyes
staring at a full moon
- MOSSEL BAY, 27 NOV 2012

Compliments for Strangers

thetrevorproject:

Thanks Davey Wavey for putting a smile on more than a few people’s faces with this random act of kindness.

Blitzkrieg: a holiday in retrospect

The Lunar New Year.
9 days off.
Death in the family.
Major surgeries scheduled for 3 family members.

Time to go home.

• Friday: Classes end, clean up. Finally got an answer to my marriage proposal: No.
• Saturday: Packed ex's belongings, departed for Hong Kong, then Johannesburg.
• Sunday: Had a lovely brunch with friends at OR Tambo, flew to George, visited Grandpa's ashes, cried when I sat down in his house and realized he's passed through the veil. Family time.
• Monday: Jetlag, NGO meeting, processed orders of business cards. Time with my folks.
• Tuesday: Family time, office time, groceries, made chocolate desert, supper club in Groot Brak.
• Wednesday: Dept. of Home Affairs, meeting with our attorney, quick visit with my uncle, dinner at Transkaroo.
• Thursday: Family time, checked in with friends in Mosselbaai.
• Friday: Meeting with NGO affiliates, farewell hugs, dinner with Gran, pack for the return flight.
• Saturday: George airport closed due to adverse weather conditions, special time with Dad, missed flight to Hong Kong, Special time with Jonathan in Johannesburg.
• Sunday: Checked in early, missed a wedding in Kaohsiung, relaxed in The D Lounge at OR Tambo, boarding for Hong Kong in 40 minutes.

Pulling myself towards myself.

Taiwan, ready or not, here I come!

"It Gets Better" — Love, Pixar

True Colors: it gets better

turn up the volume

and view this in full screen

thank you to the Gay Men's Chorus of LA!

Joel Burns reaches out

... and I hope many more will stand up for the cause of love and acceptance.

If your child, or a child you know of, is self-identiefied or even perceived to be lgbti - PLEASE reach out to him/her in love and acceptance. Even if you do not understand it yourself - does that matter when you're saving a life?

And if your child, or a child you know of, is bullying others - PLEASE take action, and save another life - as well as his/her soul. Being - or believing to be the cause of another's death, is also life-threatening and soul destroying.

Lastly, let us all take a moment to remember where children get their ideas from: We are culpable. We are responsible. We form their opinions, their attitudes and beliefs - and however indirectly, we guide their actions.

Did my silence/rashness contribute to someone's feeling of hopelessness?

Did my invisibility contribute to a suicide?

Did yours?

why i am

Love is the law.
and no, I'm not talking about romance and cozy cuddles, special winks and sweet nothings... i'm talking about the nitty-gritty, push up your sleeves and sweat 'til you bleed kind of love. Loving your neighbor - in it's broadest extent.

i have been through a terrible patch - and I'm not out of the woods yet - but I have again realized the all-importance of Love. in these last few months, i have received compassion, acceptance, support and kindness from all sorts of unexpected places. here in blogland, here in Taiwan and from across the planet. people i never knew had it in them - including people i never knew at all.

through this, i have found that returning love to those around me - not only makes a significant difference in their lives - but it also heals me.

starting from a place of Love, i have made an effort to be there for my students. to reach out to my colleagues. to walk in kindness and compassion with those who cross my path in all sorts of ways. to put the past to rest and find new perspectives all 'round.

it is not always easy - for i am not a perfect being. but i am committed to stay true to Love, and by Grace alone, i am making a difference.

i have often asked myself: "What is my purpose? What is my goal? Why am I here?"
i am glad to say that i've accepted the answer.
Paulo Coelho tweeted it - and my heart resonated:
"Your dream is your mission."

mine has always been: "Love"
that is why i am.

prayer request

i know this isn't really what anyone wants to read so close to the festive season, but if you have the inclination, please spare a thought or two:
for my old friend Leon, who has lost the battle against cancer and can now only wait...
for Love to grow and heal where me and Peter so desperately need it, and
for our friends and families that have their own journeying and healing to go through.

and remember - live life fully and live life now.
tomorrow... well, tomorrow is not a promise we can keep.

sometimes you just have to love

this old life's a great, big game
or, at times, a dirty, rotten shame
but through the bickering and bantering
som bric-a-brac and slandering
one thing stands above
sometimes, you just have to love

when your lover breaks your heart
by acting like a tart
or silence builds a prison
you didn't want to be in
there's not much use for sunscreen
or being a royal Prejean
maybe, you just have to love

and if, perhaps, one random morning
when trying to sleep gets kinda boring
after all your plans have gone belly-up
and you're just so close to giving up
get up and rouge it
you gotta live through it
and yeah, you just have to love

reset

it's not a particularly well kept secret that November was a terribly trying month here at the café. my new job upped my stress-levels a touch; Peter joining his parents in opening a new noodle shop has eaten into our precious free time; old man Winter's SAD-influence on my internal processes were left unchecked and, the proverbial straw: an intensely personal trial very nearly pushed me off the roof of a building.

it all boiled to a climax about two weeks ago. after trying to cope with my illusions unceremoniously shattering around me, i reached bursting point. the cacophony in my head and heart had me bouncing off the walls... and i snapped. Peter rushed home just in time to stop me from going overboard. both our wounds were opened again and we've since started the process of healing.

my physiology finally got a chance to catch up this week: in that faint-and-shake kind of way i've managed to avoid for so long. this morning's epileptic fit in the shower, however, was by far the best thing that could've happened to me. you see, this time there was a measure of lucidity to it. what i mean by that is, this time i can remember seeing something. almost like a flickering stream of a thousand polaroids flying past me. i remember seeing my sister, pink flowers, and Peter. i remember a sense of peace. i also remember hearing Peter's voice fading in from somewhere. he was calling my name - and when i started to come around, his face materialized in a flickering,white haze - which later became the bathroom ceiling.

he got me to our bed where i lay still confused and panting, trying to pull myself towards myself. i knew that Fear was going to grip me any second and was trying to prepare myself for the onslaught. what followed, though, was quite different than usual. in the past, i would be flooded with feelings of terrible fear, horror, loneliness and regrets of all shapes and sizes... but today only one Visitor had come to present itself to me. only one, ice-cold and crystal clear fear: not the fear of not waking up, but the fear of dying and leaving Peter without him knowing how much i love him.

it was at once a crippling curse and a liberating blessing. i managed to see the blessing and chose to take that as my cue. i got up, got dressed and went to lie next to him on the couch. my "reset button" was pushed and i found myself in a place where Love again took centre stage. i've been asking for help to let go of the past - and i'm choosing to see today's events as just that.

maktub.

list: elisabeth kübler-ross' 5 stages of grief

sometimes it helps to remember that:
other's have gone through roughly the same thing as you,
some have studied the process of "getting over it", and
this too shall pass.

sometimes change can be a very painful experience - especially when prompted by some form of grief or trauma. (and i'm using these words in their broadest sense.) i've often found a kind of peace - solace even - in the Kübler-Ross model, as introduced by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book "On Death and Dying". although the model was originally developed for people with terminal illnesses - it manages to translate into everyday life quite well.

i found myself thinking about this model often over the last week or so. in sharing it with you, i hope that somewhere, someone else might find it a little easier "to deal".

keep in mind that the stages are not linear: they don't necessarily follow a set pattern. some stages might even repeat themselves at random. what is important, is to know that they exist and that we have to go through at least some of them to reach the stage of acceptance.

1. Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
   Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual.
2. Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"
   Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.
3. Bargaining — "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
   The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay [change]. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle.
4. Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
   During the fourth stage, the person begins to understand the certainty of [change]. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.
5. Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
   This final stage comes with peace and understanding of the [change] that is approaching. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone.

i went through quite a few cycles of bargaining and depression this time around - thankfully "anger" only reared it's menacing head twice. (nobody was physically hurt in either instance.)

acceptance, for me, was both a process and a choice this time.

a choice, much like finding joy, that i have to stick to.

but now, i'm afraid i have to get ready for work.

hope you are all well!

may your day be bright, comfy and pleasantly familiar ;0)

memo to self: be kind

be kinder than necessary - everyone you meet is fighting
some kind of battle.

live simply,
love generously,
care deeply,
speak kindly...

and leave the rest to God.

still here

although i am by far not ready to talk about it, i realize that total radio silence from me would be irresponsible.

thought for the day: Be merciful to those who fail you.

find a way

i am in a very dark and hurting place right now. still, i have to believe that there is a way through it. the following words might serve you as well:

Most of the time our happiness is reactive behavior. We let things or people be the cause of our happiness. True happiness has no reason. It's a choice.

Today, find one reason for joy. And focus on that for the day.

a post! a post... nah, more music

i was honestly going to post something deep and meaningful tonight. and to get me in the mood - i read some of your awesome mails, tweets and blogs for fodder and inspiration.

some of you struck quite a few chords tonight... a closeted man's dream of love, a potent farewell, and a billet doux from long, long ago.

i'm choked up, to be honest.
so here's a clip of the song that's echoing inside.

love one another. fiercely, openly and enthusiastically.

spring at the start of fall

it is september now and back home people are celebrating the return of spring. days are getting longer, nights are getting warmer and all around nature is getting ready to burst with joy. it is a time of renewal, hope and celebration. it is a time to celebrate life - and to fall in love.

i am lucky. for although i'm oceans away from home - i am with the one i love.

in Taiwan it is ghost month: a time when the gates of the underworld are believed to open and the dead are allowed to roam the land of the living. spirits without descendants to care for them are prayed to during this time, so that they may also enjoy the warmth of life among the living. those lucky enough to have descendants get to feast on tables laden with food and drink that are offered to them. for others, this is a month of remembering the departed and cherishing those who are still around.

again, i am lucky. for in remembering my departed friends and family - i am reminded to love fully without restraint. i am reminded that life is unpredictable and short - and that love should be cherished and enjoyed openly and fearlessly.

fearlessly... that is my achilles' heel. my terrible burden. for you see - i am still plagued by fear... the fear of my inadequacy.

this might be a revelation to some, for many believe me to be fearless. in fact, i often make a point of facing my fears head on, to overcome them and to help others do the same. i have often said that this does not make me immune to fear - but that i'm fighting a winning battle. and for the most of it - i am.

for the most of part.

tonight, while standing in the rain waiting for the garbage truck, i felt very much like a spirit with no descendants. the switch from the fullness of SA life (with my friends and family) to the total isolation of city life in Taiwan (Peter works - i'm still looking for a job), was suddenly too much for me.

i'm not going to go into the negative flip-flops my mind was doing - suffice to say i was feeling pretty forlorn...

then the garbage truck arrived - and a complete stranger huddled me under his umbrella. he walked with me from the garbage truck to the recycling truck and back to our building - even though he only had a small bag to deposit at the first truck. i thanked him profusely as he smiled and disappeared into the crowd.

the rain eased up and i decided to go for my walk around the museum's park again. a cool breeze was blowing and i was beginning to feel a lot better. before long, i realized that i was praying as i walked - and for about half in hour i had an intimate discussion with my Lord, who was walking right next to me! i was in Jesus's company and it felt completely natural, safe and friendly. it was a miracle, just like the stranger with his umbrella. i've often felt close to Christ - but tonight was the first time i literally felt him walking right next to me! walking next to me, telling me not to be afraid. telling me that, even though i might not believe it, i truly am a perfect creation and more than adequate for the journey i'm taking. telling me to believe in Love and reminding me that i am never alone.

none of us are ever alone.

what started as a dark night of the soul - turned into the promise of a new dawn.

spring is coming - even here, on the brink of fall.

wherever you are tonight, and whatever you are going through - may you also experience the promise of a new dawn.

wether you believe as i do or not - this spring is eternal (and Love believes in you).

now go hug someone.

my reality

following last night's post, you may very well ask what my reality looks like.

despite what it might sound like, i do not live in my own little world - far removed from your own. having renounced the fear-driven version of reality doesn't exempt me from having to face fear either. on the contrary! in order to renounce fear, i have to face it - and face it every day until i conquer it. but conquer it, i will :0)

i can describe my whole reality in one point - but will try to clarify and elaborate through extrapolation. here goes:

1) Love really is the answer.

2) being true to yourself doesn't cost anything of true value

3) Truth does not exclude truth

4) work does not feel like work when it is your calling

5) do what brings you joy, enjoy what you do

6) find a common ground

7) look for the good in everything and everyone

8) respect and reward your body - don't try to reconfigure or hide it's personality

9) accept that you are already beautiful... you've always been beautiful

10) smile when you feel like it, cry when you feel like it - you get the picture

11) engage with those around you

12) sleep 6 to 8 hours at night and nap at noon

13) be courteous, be kind, be gentle

14) be thankful

15) patience is not only a virtue - it's a way of giving yourself time to "get it"

16) dream

17) live your dream

18) live your Truth

19) have Faith

20) do it now.

IDAHO 2009: One Voice, One Message, Heard Around the World.

oh WOW!!! this came out sooooo cool! remember the IDAHO Challenge? well here's the final video :0) 

(I'm at 0:50 - and so happy to see the many SA submissions!)

PS. although my vid was shot in Taiwan, I'm glad they didn't add the Taiwanese flag. i fear that being a "foreigner" as the only voice from Taiwan could strengthen the island's homophobic notions that being gay is not Taiwanese.