Revisited 2: My life in 5 year segments

In the (not so) grand tradition of my own #5yrs life segments review, the time has come for another consideration of a possible legend/guide to find trends/patterns in my mortal experience. Perhaps the 9th addition to this list might allow for some insight into my journey? Let's see then shall we?

Quick recap:

00-05: carefree childhood

05-10: awareness of my Other-ness

10-15: trusting the Closet

15-20: escaping the Closet

20-25: student-/full time LGBTI-rights activist

25-30: print/design entrepreneur

30-35: sober, educator*, consultant, exhibiting photographer, community activist and odd-jobs-guy.

35-40: sober student of Education: Postgraduate Certificate in Education (PGCE 2013) cum laude; B.Ed Honours in Language Education (2014) cum laude; M.Ed on Language Didactics and Digital Pedagogies (2017) cum laude. Lecturer in Higher Education.

40-4(4): still sober (by Grace), lecturer in Higher Education, Academic Head of an HEI (2020...), now studying towards a PhD in Education (2022-2024?)

To be honest, the journey from 35 to today (the day before my 44th birthday) took a wildly different turn than I expected when I enrolled in the PGCE programme at Stellenbosch University. The initial plan was to get in, get teacher certified, and get out to go back to teaching in Taiwan. I still miss my kids from the kindergarten, and wonder who they've grown up to be(come).

That is not to say that teaching in Higher Ed has not been a wild and wonderful adventure in and of itself! I've had the privilege of meeting a wide array of wonderful people, and I'd like to think that I've had at least a small impact on their thinking and careers. The hundreds of PGCE students that swept through my lectures, and the smaller groups of incredible game design and developers I was privileged enough to have in my classes have truly left their mark on my soul. I sincerely hope that they have forgiven me for my sins as an academic assessor, and perhaps even think of me gently on the odd occasion.

Teaching as a profession is not what it should be. There, I've said it. While being guilty of aiding and abetting the corporatisation of education in order to earn a living – I'm not a fan. Perhaps braving the waters of academia as a PhD student, then, might be seen as a counter-intuitive and ironic act of surrender to the Overlords. The covert intent, I feebly hope, is however to try and liberate a smidgeon of thought surrounding learning/mediation of learning from the grip of The Formal and show that we have always been doing it ourselves.

Then again, I might be going soft in the head (as last year's barrage of MRI scans suggest).

I don't really know why I'm blogging again, actually. Most of the people who were on this blog's journey with me have moved on or died. Cancer took my Mom in 2018, and the world caught fire shortly thereafter when COVID-19 hit. I sound callous, or even cruel when I put it like that... and maybe I am a bit. I do hope that I'm not so far gone that I'll disconnect from the joy in the world completely. I'm sure it'll come back.

Then again, I might be insane.

 

*Serious relationship that ended the Christmas eve after I proposed.

How to derail our dating potential

Generally people seem to believe that I'm an easygoing, low maintenance and generally nice kind of guy. This makes me happy. While I am all for being an agreeable fellow, there are some things that tweak my tits. In the interest of any potential suitor who cares to read this, the following actions (in no particular order) will get you nowhere fast:

1. Changing my name. If you don't like what my folks called me, I won't like you.

2. Claiming my pets as your children (step/foster included). If we ain't married when you do this, we ain't never gonna be.

3. Trying to fix me / get me off my meds. I'm bipolar, not broken.

4. Texting paragraphs in rapid succession, using All Caps for emphasis and/or multiple punctuation marks. I'll think you need therapy, not attention.

5. Making light of alcoholism. Bitch no.

6. Cringing at queer culture, -expression, -humor, -linguistics or -rights related work. If we're dating, you're bi/gay/msm. Deal.

7. Being prejudiced. Full stop.

8. Believing racism is a 'white' thing. That idea is racist – see no.7.

9. Denying me my own culture and language. Afrikaans is integral to who I am. Classifying Afrikaans speakers as racist makes you prejudiced. See no's 7&8.

10. Hating on believers. While it's your right, and I might have a thing against organized religion, I don't appreciate the belittling of faith. Mine or anyone else's.

Perhaps I'm being a cranky old man. Maybe all lines should be crossed. That's okay. Do whatever you want out there. I'm just saying that if you want to get with this scatterbrained wreckademic, you need to get with his program.

#mustlovedogs

Listverse: 10 Things You Didn’t Know You Could Smell

by J. F. Sargent, January 27, 2013

If it came to the crunch, and we were faced with losing one of our “five senses,” is there a single person who wouldn’t part with his sense of smell? Sure, it’s nice and all—but it just doesn’t compare to the usefulness of sight, the necessity of feeling, and the awesomeness of sound.

Or so at least we’ve been told. It turns out that the lamest sense is actually a lot more powerful than you might imagine. There’s an unbelievable array of subtle, subconscious things that we just wouldn’t be able to pick up without a functioning nose.

10 - You Can Smell How Old Someone Is

You’re probably familiar with the idea that old people stink. Whether it’s from first-hand experience, or just general pop-culture osmosis, somewhere along the line most of us begin to accept the concept of an “old person smell” as a fact of life. And in a weird way, we’re not wrong.

In a study which rather sadistically placed pads under people’s armpits and then gave them to others to sniff, scientists found that the sniffers could reliably distinguish the odors of people over seventy-five from the odors of other people.

Interestingly, the odor isn’t necessarily bad. Scientists believe that the negative stigma around the “old person smell” concept has more to do with a fear of old age than an actual negative response to someone’s body-stink.

 9 - You Can Wake Yourself Up With Smell

Since it’s the world’s most popular psychoactive drug, it’s fairly safe to assume that most of us enjoy a cup of joe every now and again. But according to one study, you may not actually have to drink it to get the necessary effects.

By studying the effects of coffee aroma on rats, scientists found that coffee’s smell makes the brain release proteins that will protect nerve cells from stress. Which is exactly what coffee does to you when you drink it.

 8 - You Can Smell Fear

Though it sounds like a movie tagline, the ability to smell fear is something humans really did develop for defensive purposes. Not only can we learn to identify what fear smells like in other people, but we will naturally become afraid ourselves after smelling it.

The evolutionary idea behind this ability is that humans, like all social animals, are strongest when acting as a group. If one person is so stunned by panic that he can’t communicate his emotions, the stink of his terror (as well as his body language) will spread fear to the others in his or her group. This keeps everyone’s actions—or at least their emotions—coordinated.

These days we don’t have so many encounters with predators. But we do have horror movies in theaters, and the principle still works in essentially the same way.

 7 - Women Can Smell When a Man Is Horny

Men might hope that they’re being subtle in their advances, but scientific studies have revealed that there’s simply no hiding their arousal from a woman. She can smell how turned on a man is—and not just in a subconscious way. In studies, sniffing pads soaked with the sweat of horny men was found to activate parts of a woman’s brain normally associated with perceiving emotions in others.

But what about men? Do their noses play any role in their eternal efforts to get some? Certainly—but not in the same way. While women have a definite advantage when it comes to perceiving the intentions of their potential sexual partners, men have a slightly different ability:

 6 - Men Can Smell When a Woman Is Ovulating

While a man’s ability to pick up on a woman’s sexual excitement might be entirely subconscious, his ability to tell when a woman is ready to get pregnant isn’t. In a blind study, scientists discovered that heterosexual men sniffing the T-shirts of various women would consistently label those of ovulating or fertile women as more “pleasant” or “sexy” than the T-shirts of other women who weren’t ready to conceive. Apparently, men can identify this scent up to a week after the clothes were worn.

 5 - You Can Smell a Compatible Sexual Preference

When you examine the findings from various studies about individuals’ sexual preference towards different body odors, an interesting pattern occurs: sexuality is actually detectable by odor.

If a straight man is given the T-shirts of a combination of gay and straight men and women, he will consistently find the odor of the straight women more pleasant than the odor of any other group. The same is true for gay men: they will be more attracted to the scent of other gay men, and so on for every other group.

Though the findings are hardly conclusive, this does provide strong scientific support for the idea that homosexuality is based in neurobiology, rather than being an individual’s choice.

 4 - You Can Smell Which Direction an Odor Is Coming From

We have the ability of a bloodhound, and we didn’t even know it.

It turns out that every human is born with the ability of “egocentric localization.” That’s the ability to tell where a smell is coming from without even moving one’s head—in exactly the same way that people can pinpoint the origin of a sound. It’s a skill that all of us possess, but which most of us never bother to hone.

 3 - You Can Smell How to Do Better On a Test

So far all these nasal tricks have been neat and perhaps unexpected, but not especially useful. So here’s one that’ll actually improve your day: you can use your nose to get better grades.

You probably know that smells can trigger a flood of old memories—but what you may not know is that without a sense of smell, you may have not been able to recall that memory at all. It turns out that olfactory (smell) perception is far more closely linked to memory than you realize: it stimulates both the ability to recall things and the ability to commit those things to memory. 

So next time you study while rubbing yourself down with lavender oil, be sure to take some lavender oil to the test. 

 2 - Women Can Smell How Sexy Men Are

Most of us have heard that facial symmetry is one of the most important factors in a person’s level of attraction. But studies show that symmetry isn’t just something we see—it’s something we also smell.

In a study that (once again) involved smelling other people’s dirty T-shirts, scientists found that women will rate the smell of symmetrical men as more attractive than that of non-symmetrical men—even when they’ve never smelled, seen, or even met the men in question before.

Basically, sexy people smell sexy—and so do their clothes.

 1 - You Can Smell How Healthy Your Offspring Will Be

Humans consistently make their choice of sexual partner based on whether or not the other person’s Major Histocompatibility Complex is different from their own. The Major Histocompatibility Complex, or MHC, are the molecules in the body that fight foreign invaders, like germs and viruses.

Choosing a mate with a different MHC than your own will improve your offspring’s MHC, meaning that they’ll have a stronger immune system and will be more resistant to disease. Women are most likely to be attracted to men who have a different MHC—and interestingly, it seems that the sense of smell is pretty much the only way to determine the compatibility.

The best piece of advice for young people looking to find a serious partner? Follow your nose.

J. F. Sargent is a workshop moderator and frequent contributor at Cracked.com

silly list: This is why I'll never be an adult

I thought I'd share this chart from Hyperbole and a Half as my silly list for the week:

(click to enlarge)

Revisited: My life in 5 year segments

In March of 2011, I wrote a post on how an old twitter trend (#5yrs) sparked a list. For me, it's turning into a personal meme - looking at my life in 5 year segments, and seeing what pattern/legend hides in the folds of history.

Quick recap:

00-05: carefree childhood

05-10: awareness of my Other-ness

10-15: trusting the Closet

15-20: escaping the Closet

20-25: student-/full time LGBTI-rights activist

25-30: print/design entrepreneur

30-3?: sober, educator and consultant

Little did I know, at the time, that by the end of that year I'd be living in Missouri (USA)! Or that the reasons for me moving to Missouri turned out to be a load of bull. Cost me mega bucks - but I learned a lot in the process.

Similarly, I couldn't have dreamt that 2012 would see me escape from the clutches of evil in the States, and that I'd be back at my Parents' house, where I did everything I could to earn enough money to pay my new debts, and save up for University again.

So here's how the last completed segment looks like:

30-35: sober, educator, consultant, exhibiting photographer, community activist and odd-jobs-guy. 

Things are looking up for the next segment though!

          35-??: Student - Postgraduate Certificate in Education (still sober)

What can we see from this list so far?

Firstly, that 4 out of the first 5 segments of my life revolved around my sexuality, and fighting for acceptance in main stream society.

Secondly, that 3 out of my 4 "adult" segments marked the rise and rise of my alcoholism.

Lastly (for now), that I might very well spend a couple more segments in Education, my dream since the age of 15  

;0)

So what does your life look like in segments of 5 years?

5 Top Tips for Everything

1. Listen more than you talk.
2. Keep it simple.
3. Take pride in what you do.
4. Have fun, success will follow.
5. The drawing board is your friend - start again!

Talking Foreign: a silly Sunday list

Today I want to share something of the SMH-variety: things people say that make me Shake My Head. I can't help but chuckle whenever I witness people throwing themselves at an unfamiliar language, with no clear reason to do so. And nowhere in the world is it so painfully obvious, as right here in our wonderfully multilingual South Africa. The most comical interactions being between parties with a common tongue, choosing to interact in another - usually English.

I share these gems for your amusement:

• "How long, round about?"
• "Now listen nicely..."
• "This cutlery are so androgynous!"
• "I can like to wear a jean pant."
• "Can I make for you some tea?"
• "Just feel this sweetness..."
• "Winter bloom-coal whiff cheese, please."
• "I will you navigator."
• "I come right, don't worry."
• "Yes no you never know man."

Add your favorites in the comments below ;0)

My life in 5 year segments

how a twitter trend (#5yrs) sparked a list:

what does your life look like, in segments of 5 years?
well, here's mine:

    0-5: carefree childhood

  5-10: awareness of my Other-ness

10-15: trusting the Closet

15-20: escaping the Closet

20-25: student-/full time LGBTI-rights activist

25-30: print/design entrepreneur

30-3?: sober, educator and consultant

it's kind of cool looking at it this way. as well as a little freaky... what's in the cards for 35-40? and how many segments do I have left?

35-40
40-45
50-55
55-60
65-70
70-75
75-80: the "segment" when my maternal grandfather passed away
80-85:
85-90:
90-95: the "segment" when my paternal grandfather passed away
95-100: ??

have a look, let's see what your life looks like in segments of 5 years ;0)

list: elisabeth kübler-ross' 5 stages of grief

sometimes it helps to remember that:
other's have gone through roughly the same thing as you,
some have studied the process of "getting over it", and
this too shall pass.

sometimes change can be a very painful experience - especially when prompted by some form of grief or trauma. (and i'm using these words in their broadest sense.) i've often found a kind of peace - solace even - in the Kübler-Ross model, as introduced by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book "On Death and Dying". although the model was originally developed for people with terminal illnesses - it manages to translate into everyday life quite well.

i found myself thinking about this model often over the last week or so. in sharing it with you, i hope that somewhere, someone else might find it a little easier "to deal".

keep in mind that the stages are not linear: they don't necessarily follow a set pattern. some stages might even repeat themselves at random. what is important, is to know that they exist and that we have to go through at least some of them to reach the stage of acceptance.

1. Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
   Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual.
2. Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"
   Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.
3. Bargaining — "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
   The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay [change]. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle.
4. Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
   During the fourth stage, the person begins to understand the certainty of [change]. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.
5. Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
   This final stage comes with peace and understanding of the [change] that is approaching. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone.

i went through quite a few cycles of bargaining and depression this time around - thankfully "anger" only reared it's menacing head twice. (nobody was physically hurt in either instance.)

acceptance, for me, was both a process and a choice this time.

a choice, much like finding joy, that i have to stick to.

but now, i'm afraid i have to get ready for work.

hope you are all well!

may your day be bright, comfy and pleasantly familiar ;0)

list: posters i long to own

our lease will be up come february, which has me daydreaming about finding the perfect space again :0)
wooden floors...
high ceilings...
kitchen with an oven...
rooftop patio...
lots and lots of cupboards for Peter's clothes *lol*

this lead me to thinking about decoration.
does wanting these posters make me weird?

list: daily sources of sh!ts and giggles

i thought i'd share 10 of my favorite sites (that aren't on my blogroll) for sh!ts and giggles:

- Overheard in New York, for a different kind of eavesdropping.
- The daily Squee, for that warm and fuzzy feeling.
- Failblog, for proof that some people do make worse decisions than I do.
- Engrish, because I'm surrounded by it.
- It Made My Day, for little moments of WIN.
- Awkward Family Photos, for some oddities.
- The Impossible Cool, for iconic style inspiration.
- The Sartorialist, for today's style inspiration.
- Tuneage, for some new music to chew on.
- DeviantART, to see what some awesome creatives are up to.

and there you have it.

list: time auditing

after reading the post on time auditing for motivation over at the art of living life, i decided to make a list of the transient tasks that sometimes get left behind when i'm in one of my "i don't wanna"-funks. it's shocking to see how easy these tasks really are!

in theory, posting this list should help me remember how do-able they are - and hopefully help me get out of a slow funk more easily:

• making our bed: 3mins
• washing the dishes: 3mins (all our food comes in disposable containers)
• loading the washing machine (sorting the laundry): 5mins
• hanging up the laundry to dry: 10mins
• putting away the clean laundry: 15mins
• walk around the museum-park (exercise): 25mins
• lesson planning (curriculum provided): 30mins per class
• driving to my favorite convenience store: 2mins
• taking out the trash: 4mins (not counting the variable waiting period for the garbage truck)
• paying the rent (ATM banking): less than 2mins (@ the ATM)
• walking to the ATM: less than 5 mins

*lol* and for anyone who's ever doubted wondered - this is the song i associate with this exercise:

give me ABBA, give me Madge... it is utterly fagtastic!

list: top 10 anime movies

Ben mentioned, not too long ago, that he still wanted to ask me for some recommendations when it came to anime movies. i was flattered, seeing as how Ben is THE movie buff in my books. i was also a little nervous. true, i love anime - but i'm no buff by any stretch of the imagination.

anyway, he got me thinking about it and,after a little research, i can finally present what i believe to be the Top 10 Anime Movies:

10: 5CM Per Second (2007)

the movie is really three stories that deal with love between people separated by distance. kids might not get the subject matter - but Makoto Shinkai's amazing artistry (best.scenes.ever.) makes this one of the best anime films out there.

9: Cowboy Bebop (2001)

based on the hit tv-series Cowboy Bebop (which has had a cult following since the invention of the term),the movie lives up to all expectations and is a great introduction to newbies.

8: Tokyo GodFathers (2003)

Satoshi Kon’s masterpiece is really a social comment on Tokyo's urban minorities. the story follows three homeless friends, who find a baby in a dumpster and try to return it to its parents. did I mention that one of the friends is pre-op M2F?

7: Princess Mononoke (1997)

Princess Mononoke was Hayao Miyazaki's breakthrough movie in the Western world. take whatever you know about the genre, go to your warm and fuzzy place and prepare to be enchanted.

6: Paprika (2006)

you've heard of vivid imaginations, right? prepare to experience a visual orgasm. the plot is centered around a “dream machine” — which allows doctors to see a patient’s dreams — that is stolen by a thief who uses it to enter people’s dreams. Paprika and her team set out to recapture the device. shifting between reality and dreamworld continuously, you'll definitely want to watch it again to get all the details.

5: Howl’s Moving Castle (2004)

Miyazaki's second film on the list was developed from the book by Diana Wynne Jones. a girl is cursed with a spell that makes her look old. her only hope of becoming young again lies with a wizard and his giant, walking castle.

4: Ghost in The Shell (1995)

the Watchowski brothers reportedly showed Ghost in The Shell to producer Joel Silver and told him, “We wanna do that live action”. then they made the Matrix. enough said.

3: Grave of The Fireflies (1988)

the film that made everyone realize that anime can be used to tell serious, heart felt stories. It centers on a boy and his young sister who struggle to survive in WW2 Japan after their mother dies during a US bombing. Roger Ebert called it “the most powerful anti-war movie of all time”. newly remade as a live feature film, it's a gift that keeps on giving.

2: Akira (1988)

the movie that pretty much defined the whole genre: from its art style, to its realistic portrayal of violence, to its ability to tell several stories at once. Akira is the hallmark of anime for the past 20 years.

1. Spirited Away (2001)

in all probability Miyazaki’s masterpiece. this is the story of a girl who stumbles into a land where witches, gods and spirits rule. she struggles to keep her own spirit, while fighting to release the spirits of her parents. the film won dozens of awards, including an Oscar for best animated feature. it even surpassed Titanic to become the highest grossing move of all time in Japan. that in itself is enough to make me grin like an idiot ;0)

so... the next time movie night comes around, why not grab a few of these? it's guaranteed to delight, inspire and educate.

my reality

following last night's post, you may very well ask what my reality looks like.

despite what it might sound like, i do not live in my own little world - far removed from your own. having renounced the fear-driven version of reality doesn't exempt me from having to face fear either. on the contrary! in order to renounce fear, i have to face it - and face it every day until i conquer it. but conquer it, i will :0)

i can describe my whole reality in one point - but will try to clarify and elaborate through extrapolation. here goes:

1) Love really is the answer.

2) being true to yourself doesn't cost anything of true value

3) Truth does not exclude truth

4) work does not feel like work when it is your calling

5) do what brings you joy, enjoy what you do

6) find a common ground

7) look for the good in everything and everyone

8) respect and reward your body - don't try to reconfigure or hide it's personality

9) accept that you are already beautiful... you've always been beautiful

10) smile when you feel like it, cry when you feel like it - you get the picture

11) engage with those around you

12) sleep 6 to 8 hours at night and nap at noon

13) be courteous, be kind, be gentle

14) be thankful

15) patience is not only a virtue - it's a way of giving yourself time to "get it"

16) dream

17) live your dream

18) live your Truth

19) have Faith

20) do it now.

the "real life" i renounce - an elaboration

so I recently renounced the popular concept of "real life".

to clarify, i'm talking about the concept of reality enforced by statements like:

- "that's a nice dream, but in real life you'll find there's no such thing"

- "wake up and get real"

- "in the real world" followed by some variation about the inevitability of suffering.

i'm talking about a place where (as Paulo Coelho so neatly put it) these are considered normal:

1] Anything that makes us forget our true identity and our dreams and makes us only work to produce and reproduce.

2] Making rules for a war (the Geneva Convention).

3] Spending years at university and then not being able to find a job.

4] Working from nine in the morning to five in the afternoon at something that does not give us the least pleasure, so that we can retire after 30 years.

5] Retiring only to discover that we have no more energy to enjoy life, and then dying of boredom after a few years.

6] Using Botox.

7] Trying to be financially successful instead of seeking happiness.

8] Ridiculing those who seek happiness instead of money by calling them “people with no ambition”.

9] Comparing objects like cars, houses and clothes, and defining life according to these comparisons instead of really trying to find out the true reason for being alive.

10] Not talking to strangers. Saying nasty things about our neighbors.

11] Thinking that parents are always right.

12] Getting married, having children and staying together even though the love has gone, claiming that it’s for the sake of the children (who do not seem to be listening to the constant arguments).

12ª] Criticizing everybody who tries to be different.

14] Waking up with a hysterical alarm-clock at the bedside.

15] Believing absolutely everything that is printed.

16] Wearing a piece of colored cloth wrapped around the neck for no apparent reason and known by the pompous name “necktie”.

17] Never asking direct questions, even though the other person understands what you want to know.

18] Keeping a smile on your face when you really want to cry. And feeling sorry for those who show their own feelings.

19] Thinking that art is worth a fortune, or else that it is worth absolutely nothing.

20] Always despising what was easily gained, because the “necessary sacrifice” – and therefore also the required qualities – are missing.

21] Following fashion, even though it all looks ridiculous and uncomfortable.

22] Being convinced that all the famous people have tons of money saved up.

23] Investing a lot in exterior beauty and paying little attention to interior beauty.

24] Using all possible means to show that even though you are a normal person, you are infinitely superior to other human beings.

25] In any kind of public transport, never looking straight into the eyes of the other passengers, as this may be taken for attempting to seduce them.

26] When you enter an elevator, looking straight at the door and pretending you are the only person inside, however crowded it may be.

27] Never laughing out loud in a restaurant, no matter how funny the story is.

28] In the Northern hemisphere, always wearing the clothes that match the season of the year: short sleeves in springtime (however cold it may be) and a woolen jacket in the fall (no matter how warm it is).

29] In the Southern hemisphere, decorating the Christmas tree with cotton wool, even though winter has nothing to do with the birth of Christ.

30] As you grow older, thinking you are the wisest man in the world, even though not always do you have enough life experience to know what is wrong.

31] Going to a charity event and thinking that in this way you have collaborated enough to put an end to all the social inequalities in the world.

32] Eating three times a day, even if you’re not hungry.

33] Believing that the others are always better at everything: they are better-looking, more resourceful, richer and more intelligent. Since it’s very risky to venture beyond your own limits, it’s better to do nothing.

34] Using the car as a way to feel powerful and in control of the world.

35] Using foul language in traffic.

36] Thinking that everything your child does wrong is the fault of the company he or she is keeping.

37] Marrying the first person who offers you a position in society. Love can wait.

38] Always saying “I tried”, even though you haven’t tried at all.

39] Putting off doing the most interesting things in life until you no longer have the strength to do them.

40] Avoiding depression with massive daily doses of television programs.

41] Believing that it is possible to be sure of everything you have won.

42] Thinking that women don’t like football and that men don’t like interior decoration.

43] Blaming the government for everything bad that happens.

44] Being convinced that being a good, decent and respectful person means that the others will find you weak, vulnerable and easy to manipulate.

45] Being convinced that aggressiveness and discourtesy in treating others are signs of a powerful personality

and this reality, dear reader, is not where i choose to be.

more to follow...

birthday wishlist

it's my birthday in 12 days and people have started asking what I want. hence the list:
• good socks (white or black)
• nice underwear (online gift certificates)
• books (gift vouchers: e-mail my favorite bookstore if you want to spoil me)

on the more pricey side:
• new glasses
• iPhone 3G
• apple's Time Capsule (1TB)
• Webby HD video camera

and the "way out there" section:
• liposuction
• empty plot in Kaohsiung
• funds for designing and building my dream house
• fully sponsored AmEx black card

that'll do for 31, I think ;0)

25 "random" things about me

so this is really a facebook "crossover" tagg... have you checked your "notes" recently? the point is to write 25 random things about yourself, and tag 25 random people from your friend-list. i'm not tagging any blogs tonight - as i've already done so on fb ;0)

here goes:

1. my beard comes out in 3 colors - gray isn't one of them (yet)
2. i come across as much more easygoing than i really am
3. bad grammar annoys me terribly - especially my own!
4. i'm fascinated by (possibly obsessed with) semantics
5. i loose track of time very easily
6. i speak to God all the time - and my listening skills are improving ;0)
7. when it comes to accessory olfactory systems, mine works famously
8. i don't judge people - but i listen to my gut (and my nose)
9. patience has become my strong suit
10. i avoid stress (and potential sources thereof) like the plague
11. i love cheese - in every sense of the word
12. being in water profoundly affects my emotional state of being
13. i'm mildly claustrophobic
14. in severe down-phases, this flips to pronounced agoraphobia
15. i also have a restless leg
16. i adore my kids (students)
17. i always adjust the volume in even numbers
18. i always start my showers by washing my hair (at least, the traces that remain)
19. i'm a sucker for gadgets
20. i'm also a sucker for bags
21. i drive slowly
22. come to think of it, i try to do everything slowly
23. i hate being in a hurry *duh*
24. i love the sound of someone else's breathing
25. i can sleep almost anywhere

45 lessons - by Regina Brett

today is my blog's 2nd birthday - believe it or not ;0)
part of moving house, however, means moving my DSL line - so I'm snapping up a few minutes from my breaktime at the buxiban!

i got this list in my mailbox from my mother. hope you love it too:

Written By Regina Brett, 50 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio:

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.
It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled
over to 50 in August, so here goes:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

walking on sunshine

having posted the list of tips to a better life - i decided to really implement them for a change. not just in a "nice thought" kind of way - as i usually "implement" so much of the wisdom that i stumble across.

so let's look at what i'm already doing - and where i can improve:
1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.

i walk more than i used to in SA, and most stints last about 10 minutes *lol* Okay, sometimes 7 minutes. but i always smile - it keeps the locals happy to see the teacher smiling ;0) i think i'll push the average up to close to 30 - as i'm always filled with an enormous sense of well-being after smiling at the world whilst wandering about.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

this is not difficult for me to do - some would argue that it's too easy for me sometimes. but especially since i started teaching, taking 10 minute breaks in silence has become a necessity for sanity.

3. Sleep for 7 hours.

admittedly i usually get about 8 hours of sleep per night - when i'm not soaring or plummeting the extremes of my bipolar nature, that is. perhaps i should shave them to 7 and see what happens?

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

i've got Empathy down pat. will have to work on the Enthusiasm, which will surely sort the Energy out too.

5. Play more games.

hmm... honestly, outside of school i don't play any games. i should start. i do have a deck of cards here somewhere...

6. Read more books than you did the previous year.

way ahead here! just bought a new Paulo Coelho on sunday :0)

7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

meditation and prayer are pretty much one and the same thing for me - and part of every moment of my life. yoga... erm... problem is finding an instructor that speaks English. cool - i'll make this one (or Tai Chi) a priority for summer.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

i teach kindergarten ;0) getting into the over 70 crowd will require serious improvement in my Chinese ability.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

no problem there - doing it all the time.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

doing famously since moving here! daily fruit intake has gone up by 100% and dinner is always rice-based *lol*

11. Drink plenty of water.

getting there - though i still "substitute" with oolong tea...

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

okay, so my kids at kindergarten are easy. does it have to be three different people every day - or does my rice lady and the buxiban staff count?

13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

i'm sooo out of the loop anyway.

14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

difficult one - but i'm willing to keep working on it!

15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

aha! here is one where i need to be more mindful of what i allow into my head-space. admittedly i still have some threads of nastiness i cling to - above and beyond the negative thoughts associated with bipolar depression.

16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

this very nearly captures the entirety of my personal philosophy on life.

17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

right - so i currently have yogurt, rice rolls and tea for breakfast, big lunch at school and one portion of "chicken rice" with a "green egg" for dinner... looks like i'll have to up my breakfast and downgrade my dinner slightly ;0)

18. Smile and laugh more.

and more and more - every day. good idea, methinks.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

no hating - gotcha!

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

i need to remind myself of this more often. maybe make a poster of it on my door?

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

this is so true - and something i try to implement whenever the situation arises. (note: "try")

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

part of my 12 step program too ;0)

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others.

i thank my Mom for teaching me this one when i was little!

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

in more ways than i care to admit!

25. Forgive everyone for everything.

a daily task i gladly take on.

26. What other people think of you is none of your business.

and i wish i could remember that more often than not!

27. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

change is, after all, the one thing you can bet on ;0)

28. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

NB! NB! NB! i've been really awful at keeping in touch these last few months.

29. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

done *lol* welcome to expat living!

30. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

another one for the poster on my door.

31. The best is yet to come.

i should have this as a screen saver on my mobile!

32. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

happy meds or no ;0)

33. Do the right thing!

even if it hurts.

34. Call your family often.

thank Heaven for Skype!

35. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.

worth reminding myself when Aunty Debra (Debbie Downer) pops 'round.

36. Each day give something good to others.

love and respect are the best - and they're free!

37. Don't over do. Keep your limits.

another one for the poster!

38. Share this with someone you care about ;0)

hehe - i blogged this, didn't i ;0)

love ya!

Tips for a better life

1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Sleep for 7 hours.

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

5. Play more games.

6. Read more books than you did the previous year.

7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink plenty of water.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

18. Smile and laugh more.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Forgive everyone for everything.

26. What other people think of you is none of your business.

27. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

28. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

29. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

30. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

31. The best is yet to come.

32. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

33. Do the right thing!

34. Call your family often.

35. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.

36. Each day give something good to others.

37. Don't over do. Keep your limits.

38. Share this with someone you care about ;0)

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