Not faking it

I originally wrote this as a comment to Britni’s post: Imposter Syndrome. Britni writes about knowing “something is wrong” but how the search for answers sometimes leads to doubting yourself.

I have a very good idea what Britni is talking about. Only thing is that I was actually diagnosed, after years of misdiagnoses, with bipolar disorder in my 20s. The battle of finding the right balance of meds was a rough one, but we finally got it ‘sorta right’ and my life was improving. I moved to Asia after turning 30, where a brain specialist in a state hospital found exactly the right balance of meds from the word go! The next 3.5 years were the most amazing years of my life up to that point! I began hoping that all the lifestyle changes I’d made since my diagnosis had paid off – and that maybe I was cured.

Then I went to the States to take up a job offer – that turned out to be a scam – where I was promised (amongst other things) that my medication would be taken care of. It wasn’t, and for 7 months I silently slipped back ‘into the wild’. My ‘benefactor’ was thoroughly convinced that he was a specialist in all things, and proclaimed that my prescription was nothing more than a placebo… and I wanted to believe it.

A psychiatric nurse who knew him came to visit (social call) once. She had her suspicions about the whole setup. She took me aside and offered one word of advice: Run!

I didn’t want to hear it though. I was thoroughly enthralled by my “friend”. Months later her advice rang in my head when I found out that I was to be taken to Mexico for a ‘visa run’. I fled back home to SA with the help of a couple of friends I made in that time. (Friends to whom I am eternally grateful, and whom I miss dearly.)

Back in SA, a new psychiatrist doubted my earlier diagnosis and suggested we wait to see what happened. I wanted to believe him, and to pin my symptoms on my American experience. But we were both mistaken.

Long story short: I had a major episode and was put back on medication. I’m not who I was in Taiwan – but life is better for the most part.

Mental illness is a weird thing. Half of the struggle is wanting to know that you’re not making it up – and half is trying to convince yourself that you did. It superimposes a layer of doubt on your life: Am I not just over exaggerating normal experiences? Am I simply a weakling hiding behind a label?

The truth (as far as I’m concerned) is that we’re not making things up. Our experiences are real and our realities are valid. (If that edges me towards radical constructivism, so be it *chuckles*)

If either my or Britni’s stories strike a chord with you, or with the experiences of someone you know, keep the faith! You are not alone – even when it feels like it. (And boy, can it ever feel like it!) Stick to it, stay true to yourself, and be truthful about yourself. Somewhere, someone has the instincts, knowledge and wherewithal to help figure it out.

So keep on keep’n on – we’ll make it yet!

Listverse: 10 Things You Didn’t Know You Could Smell

by J. F. Sargent, January 27, 2013

If it came to the crunch, and we were faced with losing one of our “five senses,” is there a single person who wouldn’t part with his sense of smell? Sure, it’s nice and all—but it just doesn’t compare to the usefulness of sight, the necessity of feeling, and the awesomeness of sound.

Or so at least we’ve been told. It turns out that the lamest sense is actually a lot more powerful than you might imagine. There’s an unbelievable array of subtle, subconscious things that we just wouldn’t be able to pick up without a functioning nose.

10 - You Can Smell How Old Someone Is

You’re probably familiar with the idea that old people stink. Whether it’s from first-hand experience, or just general pop-culture osmosis, somewhere along the line most of us begin to accept the concept of an “old person smell” as a fact of life. And in a weird way, we’re not wrong.

In a study which rather sadistically placed pads under people’s armpits and then gave them to others to sniff, scientists found that the sniffers could reliably distinguish the odors of people over seventy-five from the odors of other people.

Interestingly, the odor isn’t necessarily bad. Scientists believe that the negative stigma around the “old person smell” concept has more to do with a fear of old age than an actual negative response to someone’s body-stink.

 9 - You Can Wake Yourself Up With Smell

Since it’s the world’s most popular psychoactive drug, it’s fairly safe to assume that most of us enjoy a cup of joe every now and again. But according to one study, you may not actually have to drink it to get the necessary effects.

By studying the effects of coffee aroma on rats, scientists found that coffee’s smell makes the brain release proteins that will protect nerve cells from stress. Which is exactly what coffee does to you when you drink it.

 8 - You Can Smell Fear

Though it sounds like a movie tagline, the ability to smell fear is something humans really did develop for defensive purposes. Not only can we learn to identify what fear smells like in other people, but we will naturally become afraid ourselves after smelling it.

The evolutionary idea behind this ability is that humans, like all social animals, are strongest when acting as a group. If one person is so stunned by panic that he can’t communicate his emotions, the stink of his terror (as well as his body language) will spread fear to the others in his or her group. This keeps everyone’s actions—or at least their emotions—coordinated.

These days we don’t have so many encounters with predators. But we do have horror movies in theaters, and the principle still works in essentially the same way.

 7 - Women Can Smell When a Man Is Horny

Men might hope that they’re being subtle in their advances, but scientific studies have revealed that there’s simply no hiding their arousal from a woman. She can smell how turned on a man is—and not just in a subconscious way. In studies, sniffing pads soaked with the sweat of horny men was found to activate parts of a woman’s brain normally associated with perceiving emotions in others.

But what about men? Do their noses play any role in their eternal efforts to get some? Certainly—but not in the same way. While women have a definite advantage when it comes to perceiving the intentions of their potential sexual partners, men have a slightly different ability:

 6 - Men Can Smell When a Woman Is Ovulating

While a man’s ability to pick up on a woman’s sexual excitement might be entirely subconscious, his ability to tell when a woman is ready to get pregnant isn’t. In a blind study, scientists discovered that heterosexual men sniffing the T-shirts of various women would consistently label those of ovulating or fertile women as more “pleasant” or “sexy” than the T-shirts of other women who weren’t ready to conceive. Apparently, men can identify this scent up to a week after the clothes were worn.

 5 - You Can Smell a Compatible Sexual Preference

When you examine the findings from various studies about individuals’ sexual preference towards different body odors, an interesting pattern occurs: sexuality is actually detectable by odor.

If a straight man is given the T-shirts of a combination of gay and straight men and women, he will consistently find the odor of the straight women more pleasant than the odor of any other group. The same is true for gay men: they will be more attracted to the scent of other gay men, and so on for every other group.

Though the findings are hardly conclusive, this does provide strong scientific support for the idea that homosexuality is based in neurobiology, rather than being an individual’s choice.

 4 - You Can Smell Which Direction an Odor Is Coming From

We have the ability of a bloodhound, and we didn’t even know it.

It turns out that every human is born with the ability of “egocentric localization.” That’s the ability to tell where a smell is coming from without even moving one’s head—in exactly the same way that people can pinpoint the origin of a sound. It’s a skill that all of us possess, but which most of us never bother to hone.

 3 - You Can Smell How to Do Better On a Test

So far all these nasal tricks have been neat and perhaps unexpected, but not especially useful. So here’s one that’ll actually improve your day: you can use your nose to get better grades.

You probably know that smells can trigger a flood of old memories—but what you may not know is that without a sense of smell, you may have not been able to recall that memory at all. It turns out that olfactory (smell) perception is far more closely linked to memory than you realize: it stimulates both the ability to recall things and the ability to commit those things to memory. 

So next time you study while rubbing yourself down with lavender oil, be sure to take some lavender oil to the test. 

 2 - Women Can Smell How Sexy Men Are

Most of us have heard that facial symmetry is one of the most important factors in a person’s level of attraction. But studies show that symmetry isn’t just something we see—it’s something we also smell.

In a study that (once again) involved smelling other people’s dirty T-shirts, scientists found that women will rate the smell of symmetrical men as more attractive than that of non-symmetrical men—even when they’ve never smelled, seen, or even met the men in question before.

Basically, sexy people smell sexy—and so do their clothes.

 1 - You Can Smell How Healthy Your Offspring Will Be

Humans consistently make their choice of sexual partner based on whether or not the other person’s Major Histocompatibility Complex is different from their own. The Major Histocompatibility Complex, or MHC, are the molecules in the body that fight foreign invaders, like germs and viruses.

Choosing a mate with a different MHC than your own will improve your offspring’s MHC, meaning that they’ll have a stronger immune system and will be more resistant to disease. Women are most likely to be attracted to men who have a different MHC—and interestingly, it seems that the sense of smell is pretty much the only way to determine the compatibility.

The best piece of advice for young people looking to find a serious partner? Follow your nose.

J. F. Sargent is a workshop moderator and frequent contributor at Cracked.com

Can I get a Woop-Woop?

Thanking God for the clever people who figured out Citalopram.

Feeling GOOD y'all!!

Serving notice to the IttyBitty Committee

I've decided to take some of the money I've saved for tuition, and pay for a visit to the psychiatrist. Starting my bipolar meds again.

I don't know how far my savings will stretch to cover my meds, required medical aid, tuition and rent for 2013... but a functional life is worth more than money in the bank.

Movember

Brace yourselves...

...the moustaches are coming!

Yep! This year, I've decided to join in the fun, sacrifice my beard and, in the spirit of Movember, grow a mustache from scratch. All with the aim of raising awareness of prostate- and testicular cancer!

Want to learn more about it? Or donate and sponsor my Mo?

Then go to mobro.co/absolutwillie right away!

*proof of a clean start: 1 Nov 2012

Food poisoning

Cold sweats and shivers,
And hot fever switches,
Cramps knot my tummy
And aches claim my legs,
These are a few of my poisoning cues!

Over the last two days, I've come to certain realizations, not the least of which being that:
Chicken can not be trusted!!

Other realizations include: the value of two ply TP, cornflower has real power, a glass of water can be be vengeful, and...

I watch way too many cooking shows!

Seriously. After last night's fever-fueled dreams of Andalusian bake-offs, I may have to take a TV sabbatical. Very few things are as disturbing as trying to deconstruct gourmet pastries, while running a cooking gauntlet of consecutive workstations, set up along a rocky outcrop, all the while stopping to do the "inverted fountain" on the toilet. Speaking of which... I gotta run!

(Send help!)

watch it. watch it again.

and watch it in full screen,

with the volume way up...

if you're going to drive - don't drink. AT ALL.

and if you see your "tipsy" friend taking his/her keys and heading for the door - take their keys, get them home safely, worry about the vehicle when everyone's sober. (an acquaintance of mine gave his buddy his bike's keys back, who proceeded to smash into someone else.)

THINK

before you

DRINK

before you

D(R)I(V)E

"It Gets Better" — Love, Pixar

spot check: where does your mind go?

i haven't laughed this hard in months!
(now also available for men - but that video isn't as funny... except for the guy saying: "I haven't been pumped like this for days". deadpan.)

buckets of thanks to cb over at mangina monologues (not for the feint of heart) for a truly gut-toning guffaw!

tickle me this

when do we outgrow tickles?
i don't think i know of one adult who will admit to loving being tickled - while i know many who tickle. thank Heaven for children who love being tickled - or we'd be surrounded by sad people clasping their hands under their armpits!

what brings this on? well, my kids at kindergarten - of course! they love being tickled. in fact, in learning games - they actively seek out the booby traps that involve getting tickled! even being picked up (a stern favorite) takes a second place to being tickled. and boy is it fun!

you see, i'm a tickler. even as a university student - i loved tickling my sister until she threatened to wet herself. (having a beard helped a lot to continue the madness after she'd managed to grab my hands.)

and yes, i will admit that i love being tickled! (my Mom used to give the best tickles - though we would guard and protest oh so wholeheartedly ;0) )

now that i think about it, i suspect our enjoyment of being tickled is dependent on our trust in the tickler. it is, after all, a fairly intimate exercise - both physically and emotionally. obviously you have to allow someone to get real close to you for them to tickle you *duh*
but it's the emotional intimacy that intrigues me. based on recent observations of my students (and fond memories of home); to truly enjoy a good tickle, you have to surrender to it completely. you have to give in and relinquish control for a few seconds. be in the moment - and enjoy with reckless abandon!

maybe that is part of the reason why i love tickling - to experience such complete openness and unconditional trust is a rare thing in modern societies. a very, very beautiful thing to be sure. it's a touch of heaven for the soul.

maybe our response to tickling can be seen as a measure of o our openness to being loved unreservedly?

45 lessons - by Regina Brett

today is my blog's 2nd birthday - believe it or not ;0)
part of moving house, however, means moving my DSL line - so I'm snapping up a few minutes from my breaktime at the buxiban!

i got this list in my mailbox from my mother. hope you love it too:

Written By Regina Brett, 50 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio:

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.
It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled
over to 50 in August, so here goes:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

walking on sunshine

having posted the list of tips to a better life - i decided to really implement them for a change. not just in a "nice thought" kind of way - as i usually "implement" so much of the wisdom that i stumble across.

so let's look at what i'm already doing - and where i can improve:
1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.

i walk more than i used to in SA, and most stints last about 10 minutes *lol* Okay, sometimes 7 minutes. but i always smile - it keeps the locals happy to see the teacher smiling ;0) i think i'll push the average up to close to 30 - as i'm always filled with an enormous sense of well-being after smiling at the world whilst wandering about.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

this is not difficult for me to do - some would argue that it's too easy for me sometimes. but especially since i started teaching, taking 10 minute breaks in silence has become a necessity for sanity.

3. Sleep for 7 hours.

admittedly i usually get about 8 hours of sleep per night - when i'm not soaring or plummeting the extremes of my bipolar nature, that is. perhaps i should shave them to 7 and see what happens?

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

i've got Empathy down pat. will have to work on the Enthusiasm, which will surely sort the Energy out too.

5. Play more games.

hmm... honestly, outside of school i don't play any games. i should start. i do have a deck of cards here somewhere...

6. Read more books than you did the previous year.

way ahead here! just bought a new Paulo Coelho on sunday :0)

7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

meditation and prayer are pretty much one and the same thing for me - and part of every moment of my life. yoga... erm... problem is finding an instructor that speaks English. cool - i'll make this one (or Tai Chi) a priority for summer.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

i teach kindergarten ;0) getting into the over 70 crowd will require serious improvement in my Chinese ability.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

no problem there - doing it all the time.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

doing famously since moving here! daily fruit intake has gone up by 100% and dinner is always rice-based *lol*

11. Drink plenty of water.

getting there - though i still "substitute" with oolong tea...

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

okay, so my kids at kindergarten are easy. does it have to be three different people every day - or does my rice lady and the buxiban staff count?

13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

i'm sooo out of the loop anyway.

14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

difficult one - but i'm willing to keep working on it!

15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

aha! here is one where i need to be more mindful of what i allow into my head-space. admittedly i still have some threads of nastiness i cling to - above and beyond the negative thoughts associated with bipolar depression.

16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

this very nearly captures the entirety of my personal philosophy on life.

17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

right - so i currently have yogurt, rice rolls and tea for breakfast, big lunch at school and one portion of "chicken rice" with a "green egg" for dinner... looks like i'll have to up my breakfast and downgrade my dinner slightly ;0)

18. Smile and laugh more.

and more and more - every day. good idea, methinks.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

no hating - gotcha!

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

i need to remind myself of this more often. maybe make a poster of it on my door?

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

this is so true - and something i try to implement whenever the situation arises. (note: "try")

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

part of my 12 step program too ;0)

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others.

i thank my Mom for teaching me this one when i was little!

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

in more ways than i care to admit!

25. Forgive everyone for everything.

a daily task i gladly take on.

26. What other people think of you is none of your business.

and i wish i could remember that more often than not!

27. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

change is, after all, the one thing you can bet on ;0)

28. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

NB! NB! NB! i've been really awful at keeping in touch these last few months.

29. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

done *lol* welcome to expat living!

30. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

another one for the poster on my door.

31. The best is yet to come.

i should have this as a screen saver on my mobile!

32. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

happy meds or no ;0)

33. Do the right thing!

even if it hurts.

34. Call your family often.

thank Heaven for Skype!

35. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.

worth reminding myself when Aunty Debra (Debbie Downer) pops 'round.

36. Each day give something good to others.

love and respect are the best - and they're free!

37. Don't over do. Keep your limits.

another one for the poster!

38. Share this with someone you care about ;0)

hehe - i blogged this, didn't i ;0)

love ya!

Tips for a better life

1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Sleep for 7 hours.

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

5. Play more games.

6. Read more books than you did the previous year.

7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink plenty of water.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

18. Smile and laugh more.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Forgive everyone for everything.

26. What other people think of you is none of your business.

27. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

28. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

29. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

30. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

31. The best is yet to come.

32. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

33. Do the right thing!

34. Call your family often.

35. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.

36. Each day give something good to others.

37. Don't over do. Keep your limits.

38. Share this with someone you care about ;0)

Facebook | Nithya Shanti se foto’s - Tips for a better life

rapid cycling gets you

Ben, my colleague from Seattle, turned 37 on Sunday - so a bunch of us got together at Coast Café last night for dinner and celebrations. he really is a very cool guy - and i am very thankful for having him around! he's been a friend to me since my first day here. come to think of it, he's the closest thing i have to a "best" friend on the island :0)

anyway, dinner was a relaxed affair with the usual sharing of dishes, stories and language tips that make buxiban socializing fun. and then it happened - a very pronounced episode of dysphoric mania reached it's crescendo.

looking back, i can see that this episode has been building for a few days - but it was only when my Taiwanese colleagues started asking me if i'm alright that i realized what was going on... NOBODY gets THAT excited about a cup of coffee! i'm not sure i spotted all the symptoms that got them worried, but i realized i was:

- laughing randomly at myself
- jumping from one idea to another (not necessarily obviously related)
- giddy with excitement when my first (and only)refill (black coffee, no sugar) finally arrived and
- spouting totally random sentences at equally random intervals.

thankfully i recognized the situation and excused myself. i drove home carefully, as i was beginning to twitch - which can be dangerous on a scooter.

walking into my apartment i could feel the switch in my brain flip. i got in bed just in time to sob into my pillows. major high followed by major low.

symptom checklist:

• period of heightened irritability followed by an excessively good mood;
  
• pressured speech; rapid talking
• decreased need for sleep and insomnia;
• flight of ideas and the subjective experience that thoughts are racing;
• easily distracted / attention-deficit;
• increase in psychomotor agitation;
  
• unrestrained buying sprees (Ben got quite a gift bag *lol*);
  
• feelings of hopelessness (especially with regards to my relationship);
• unprovoked yet overwhelming sense of sadness and
  
• thoughts of suicide (recognized as symptomatic and treated that way)
  

bipolar disorder is definitely not for sissies - and rapid cycling turns life into an extreme sport! hopefully the risperdal keeps things under control. there are only three weeks left of this semester - and we're preparing for oral tests! not exactly the best time to go nuts ;0)

Sunny winter days rule!

looking out from the laundry balcony a few minutes ago, I decided not to go to Kaohsiung today:




who wants to go to the beach with me?

man flu

howd'ya fink I feel?

*ugh*

best get to showering then... school day...

How I did yesterday

Yesterday I listed my "just for today" goals.
Here is how it went, in retrospect:

Yesterday I almost managed not to stress about "tomorrow". If banks would stop calling me and reminding me that my credit card payments are over due (of which I am painfully aware)- I might do better today.

Yesterday I was happy - until my Mom's bad spell at Aquarobics. No-one's exactly sure what happened - but it looks like another heart attack.

Yesterday I tried to adjust myself to what is. When I realised I was trying to adjust everything to my own desires, I reminded myself to let go - and let God.

Yesterday I strengthened my mind by attempting designs that pushed my skills. I almost tried to read Franz Kafka's "The Trial" again - but didn't.

Yesterday I only exercised my soul in one-and-a-half ways:
I did somebody a good turn, but got found out.
I only did one thing I didn't want to - taking a lady home after Aquarobics.
I did, however, manage not to show anyone that my feelings were hurt.

Yesterday I was agreeable. I looked pretty well in a white, weather-appropriate outfit (thankfully we live and work on the coast). I talked low and with a smile, acted courteously and refrained from criticising anything - or anyone. (Scratch that - I did go off about Stormhoek...)

Yesterday I almost had a program. I didn't write it down - and didn't follow it exactly, though I did try to save myself from hurry. Indecision still plagues me though. And the indecision is about choices I have to make about my future. (See point one re: not tackling my whole life problem.)

Yesterday I had a quiet half hour all by myself. It was quiet outside, but noisy inside. I need to learn how to relax. During this half hour, I tried to get a better perspective of my life, but ended up going on tangents about the choices I just referred to.

Yesterday I ended up being afraid. Not of enjoying what is beautiful, but of screwing it up. I'm not sure what I'm giving to the world... and it feels like the world is giving me a headache.

It's lunch time now. Maybe I'll do better this afternoon?
(This morning has gone to the dogs already.)

Sunday lunch

Mom had this brilliant idea today: picnic on the rocks! And it rocked :0)

My awesome parents.
--------------------------------------------
Mom got me with my mouth full!
--------------------------------------------
Our little one - taking on the Atlantic ;0)
--------------------------------------------

I was just offered some...

Directions for Use:
Ensure baby's bottom is clean and dry.
Spread Fissan Baby Bum Cream liberally
over the bottom after every nappy change.
(?)
(I love my Mom!!)

Blogged with Flock

Update 4 Dec 2007

Sooooo... here's a quick update on what's been happening over the last week:

I arrived in Dublin, Republic of ireland, last week and Wednesday - where friends of my BF (of 4 months) picked me up. BF is doing a 6 week stint in the Irish midlands and asked me to join him for the last 2 weeks. I couldn't think of a more awesome way to spend the holiday :0) I bought my tickets, packed as little as possible (BF wanted to buy me some winter outfits - seeing as how SA and ROI have WAY DIFFERENT views on what a "chilly" winter is!) and zipped over.

On Thursday morning, BF drove through from further inland to surprise me. Oh and surprise me he did!!! He woke me up quietly - and dumped me.

Thankfully his friends gave me shelter till I could fly back to Heathrow. THANK YOU GUYS!!! When the waves settle and fortune fills my sails again - I'm taking the two of you on a luxury cruise! (Or a braai at my place, perhaps?)

Right. I changed my ticket (from ROI to UK) and flew to London last night. The alteration cost me £104.00 - almost 4 times the origional ticket's price. I can't afford to change my ticket back to SA (not at that rate!) and have decided to make the most out of the remaining 2 weeks in the UK.

Thank you to my dear friend Ella, who's taken me in for the first few nights!! My superstar!!

Next up - rethink the budget. I've contacted the bank and asked for a credit increase - which shouldn't be a problem... apart from the days required for admin.

Priorities:
1) Winter clothes
2) Food
3) Comfortable shoes
4) Train tickets
5) 4 Nights' accommodation
6) Chronic medicine
7) Camera?

Most galleries are free, thank heavens!

I'll keep you posted - and if you feel like contributing to my trip (or my Credit Card's balance) feel free to contact me via my Facebook profile!