Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

Friday, September 04, 2015

How to derail our dating potential

Generally people seem to believe that I'm an easygoing, low maintenance and generally nice kind of guy. This makes me happy. While I am all for being an agreeable fellow, there are some things that tweak my tits. In the interest of any potential suitor who cares to read this, the following actions (in no particular order) will get you nowhere fast:

1. Changing my name. If you don't like what my folks called me, I won't like you.
2. Claiming my pets as your children (step/foster included). If we ain't married when you do this, we ain't never gonna be.
3. Trying to fix me / get me off my meds. I'm bipolar, not broken.
4. Texting paragraphs in rapid succession, using All Caps for emphasis and/or multiple punctuation marks. I'll think you need therapy, not attention.
5. Making light of alcoholism. Bitch no.
6. Cringing at queer culture, -expression, -humor, -linguistics or -rights related work. If we're dating, you're bi/gay/msm. Deal.
7. Being prejudiced. Full stop.
8. Believing racism is a 'white' thing. That idea is racist – see no.7.
9. Denying me my own culture and language. Afrikaans is integral to who I am. Classifying Afrikaans speakers as racist makes you prejudiced. See no's 7&8.
10. Hating on believers. While it's your right, and I might have a thing against organized religion, I don't appreciate the belittling of faith. Mine or anyone else's.

Perhaps I'm being a cranky old man. Maybe all lines should be crossed. That's okay. Do whatever you want out there. I'm just saying that if you want to get with this scatterbrained wreckademic, you need to get with his program.

#mustlovedogs


Sunday, April 27, 2014

Zulu love letter assignment (Diamanté poem): Genealogy

                                                                           birth
                                                                      wet, sacred
                                                        expanding, stretching, reaching
                                       boy (who is) son (who is) brother (who becomes) man



                                                  man                            graduate, caregiver, activist, leader
                                             naive, bright                             burning healing hoping
                                   reading, thinking, playing                         fierce and loyal
                             graduate, logician, soldier, hermit                         woman

                          iron and leather, envelope and shield                         wife
                                teaching, showing, carrying                           soft and fragile
                                         classic strong                          enlightening, strengthening, loving
                                              husband                         the earth, his hearth, crystal and flower
                                       gentle, protective                        life-giving, defending, guiding
                              reviving, supporting, believing                 beautiful though embattled
                          provider, champion, guardian, father                        mother




                                              firstborn                              rebel princess, survivor, genius
                                       fierce but hidden                             singing, laughing, crying
                                   striving, shining, lying                             depressed, blessed
                                poet, writer, leader, faggot                                    sister

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Wicked Wednesday word-wars

"Familiarity breeds contempt" someone once told me. What transpired this afternoon partly confirmed the validity of that claim. I say only partly because, to a large extent, today's fall-out wasn't necessarily founded in familiarity. Probably the larger contributor to this situation was that of growing disappointment and a touch of resentment. Here's what happened:

After seven and a half weeks of working together on our practicum, some of our colleagues have grown quite weary of those who had not contributed, engaged or done their part. This manifested in a heated exchange of words on our WhatsApp group, when a meeting to compile our group assignment was convened. Those who had been slinking by in the shadows were represented by statements of impropriety as to the "suddenness" of this arrangement, while the diligent faction responded by pointing out that participation throughout the practicum period would have negated any perceptions of "suddenness" and "unfair treatment".

In the end the Slinkers slunk away, and the worker bees did the work.

Lesson: Work hard with those who work hard, and reap the rewards.

Tuesday, September 03, 2013

Clean slates daily

It is imperative that one start each day anew, with a calm spirit and clean slates for all your learners. This is not the easiest feat to accomplish – and I suspect it takes enormous emotional reserves to maintain such an attitude. The longer one remains in Education, the tougher it seems to get...

"May you never be jaded."

This morning didn't start off all too well on a personal level. (I won't bore you with the details.) It follows that when a notorious class walked in for the first period, I wasn't exactly a picture of peace. Seeing one or two of the learners that got my goose yesterday didn't help my mood much either.

Then one of them melted my heart with a sincere question and a hopeful expression:
"When will you teach us again, sir?"
May that moment stay with me forever, for it shook me out of my own hazardous thoughts and showed me a glimpse of the soul underneath the protective layers of a "problem" learner. There are genuine, vulnerable children inside the armored veneers of the upstarts and trouble-makers. When one opens up to you, you can't help but realize how difficult and rare such acts of vulnerability truly are.

I might not have understood that child completely, but I was humbled. Touched. And terrified of making the wrong move! I realized that the smallest hint of nonchalance or apathy would wound the boy and destroy any possibility of connecting with him. So I smiled appreciatively and explained my Life Orientation timetable to him. His class wouldn't see me for English again, but that didn't mean that I did not want to teach them.

Thinking back, I realize that my own armored veneer sometimes leaps back in unguarded moments. Little chuckles of nonchalance.
Subconscious eye-rolls.
Sharp words.

This is not an easy course I've chosen, and I will have to check myself regularly.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Photo day!!

It was Photo Day at school today... this still (since my days) seems to mean chaos in the classroom, and fun everywhere else. Learners are expected to be everywhere at any time of the day, to appear in class photos, team photos, individual photos... you get the idea.

Funnily enough the drama kids wanted me in their photo! Badly enough to petition the principal :0)
I loved it, of course, even though it felt strange to sit in on a group's Year Photograph after only being around for four weeks, and full knowing that practicum will be over in another four weeks' time.

But no matter how I declined, there was no getting out of it after they came back with the principal's blessings. Here's an iPhone photo taken at the same time as the official photo:

I [heart] U too!
The learners at this school are amazing kids – and they are barging their way straight into my heart...

Back to academia:
Days like today are very tricky when you're trying to teach your lessons despite the mad-hattery around you. I suspect a better way to go about it, is to channel the excitement and turn the chaos into a learning experience in itself. Orals or creative writing projects could transform the lesson into something the carry with them whilst changing uniforms, posing with different teams and classes and just generally having a wildfire day.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

A four day week

Four furious yet fabulous days of found fortitude and fulfillment!

This is how I choose to think of the week that has passed. Although it is true that there were terrifically trying times – where time itself was an issue alongside temper-teasers and tiny tots playing at tyranny. At the weekly end of the everlasting eddies in the Euphrates of education, everyone eases into either joyous entropy or enlightenment.

In other words: It is undeniably necessary for both teachers and learners to reflect, rethink and resume our days and weeks in peace – and with blank slates. I cannot harbor grudges or disheartened opinions against the kids I encounter at school. School is both a changing and a changed environment. As are the people within it. It is meant to be a place of learning and growing, and these processes include making mistakes, testing choices, relationships and barriers, finding our truths in ourselves and, hopefully, changing the world for the better.

If I am to be successful at teaching happy, healthy people - I need to be one, and love them all equally.
Come what may.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Sharing is Caring

I love conversations. I love having them around the dining table, on bicycles, in busses, at home and with friends. I also adore having conversations with learners. And this, I feel, is a good thing in subjects like Life Orientation.

The problem with class conversations, is time. As time flies when you're having fun, it does while I'm working. I just need to be careful that time doesn't  run out mid-lesson! Now thankfully I usually finish on time, but on occasion we tend to hit gold in our class discussions, and following that vein to where it leads – hitting "flow" as a group – can steer you way off course as far as your lesson plan is concerned. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, in my humble opinion – on the contrary – but it devours time like nothing.

Today I hit such a vein in my L.O. crit class, and while I'm certain that my mentor enjoyed the class immensely, I do worry that I didn't do enough. Part of this worry comes from the deviation from the lesson plan (that is critiqued as part of the whole) and part of it has to do with how much I want these kids to learn something about themselves. I just want to take the time to know that each of them finds joy in themselves, that they learn to accept themselves and others as the wonderful creatures they are, and that they fall back in love with the beauty of life.

Usually we can only hope that some little thing we try in class ends up helping somewhere. When you strike gold though, and you can see those souls shining, it's a drug that fills the entire room. That is when magic happens all around you. And that is why I love what I do.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Listverse: 10 Things You Didn’t Know You Could Smell

by J. F. Sargent, January 27, 2013

If it came to the crunch, and we were faced with losing one of our “five senses,” is there a single person who wouldn’t part with his sense of smell? Sure, it’s nice and all—but it just doesn’t compare to the usefulness of sight, the necessity of feeling, and the awesomeness of sound.
Or so at least we’ve been told. It turns out that the lamest sense is actually a lot more powerful than you might imagine. There’s an unbelievable array of subtle, subconscious things that we just wouldn’t be able to pick up without a functioning nose.

10 - You Can Smell How Old Someone Is


You’re probably familiar with the idea that old people stink. Whether it’s from first-hand experience, or just general pop-culture osmosis, somewhere along the line most of us begin to accept the concept of an “old person smell” as a fact of life. And in a weird way, we’re not wrong.

In a study which rather sadistically placed pads under people’s armpits and then gave them to others to sniff, scientists found that the sniffers could reliably distinguish the odors of people over seventy-five from the odors of other people.

Interestingly, the odor isn’t necessarily bad. Scientists believe that the negative stigma around the “old person smell” concept has more to do with a fear of old age than an actual negative response to someone’s body-stink.

 9 - You Can Wake Yourself Up With Smell


Since it’s the world’s most popular psychoactive drug, it’s fairly safe to assume that most of us enjoy a cup of joe every now and again. But according to one study, you may not actually have to drink it to get the necessary effects.

By studying the effects of coffee aroma on rats, scientists found that coffee’s smell makes the brain release proteins that will protect nerve cells from stress. Which is exactly what coffee does to you when you drink it.

 8 - You Can Smell Fear


Though it sounds like a movie tagline, the ability to smell fear is something humans really did develop for defensive purposes. Not only can we learn to identify what fear smells like in other people, but we will naturally become afraid ourselves after smelling it.

The evolutionary idea behind this ability is that humans, like all social animals, are strongest when acting as a group. If one person is so stunned by panic that he can’t communicate his emotions, the stink of his terror (as well as his body language) will spread fear to the others in his or her group. This keeps everyone’s actions—or at least their emotions—coordinated.

These days we don’t have so many encounters with predators. But we do have horror movies in theaters, and the principle still works in essentially the same way.

 7 - Women Can Smell When a Man Is Horny


Men might hope that they’re being subtle in their advances, but scientific studies have revealed that there’s simply no hiding their arousal from a woman. She can smell how turned on a man is—and not just in a subconscious way. In studies, sniffing pads soaked with the sweat of horny men was found to activate parts of a woman’s brain normally associated with perceiving emotions in others.

But what about men? Do their noses play any role in their eternal efforts to get some? Certainly—but not in the same way. While women have a definite advantage when it comes to perceiving the intentions of their potential sexual partners, men have a slightly different ability:

 6 - Men Can Smell When a Woman Is Ovulating


While a man’s ability to pick up on a woman’s sexual excitement might be entirely subconscious, his ability to tell when a woman is ready to get pregnant isn’t. In a blind study, scientists discovered that heterosexual men sniffing the T-shirts of various women would consistently label those of ovulating or fertile women as more “pleasant” or “sexy” than the T-shirts of other women who weren’t ready to conceive. Apparently, men can identify this scent up to a week after the clothes were worn.

 5 - You Can Smell a Compatible Sexual Preference


When you examine the findings from various studies about individuals’ sexual preference towards different body odors, an interesting pattern occurs: sexuality is actually detectable by odor.

If a straight man is given the T-shirts of a combination of gay and straight men and women, he will consistently find the odor of the straight women more pleasant than the odor of any other group. The same is true for gay men: they will be more attracted to the scent of other gay men, and so on for every other group.

Though the findings are hardly conclusive, this does provide strong scientific support for the idea that homosexuality is based in neurobiology, rather than being an individual’s choice.

 4 - You Can Smell Which Direction an Odor Is Coming From


We have the ability of a bloodhound, and we didn’t even know it.

It turns out that every human is born with the ability of “egocentric localization.” That’s the ability to tell where a smell is coming from without even moving one’s head—in exactly the same way that people can pinpoint the origin of a sound. It’s a skill that all of us possess, but which most of us never bother to hone.

 3 - You Can Smell How to Do Better On a Test


So far all these nasal tricks have been neat and perhaps unexpected, but not especially useful. So here’s one that’ll actually improve your day: you can use your nose to get better grades.

You probably know that smells can trigger a flood of old memories—but what you may not know is that without a sense of smell, you may have not been able to recall that memory at all. It turns out that olfactory (smell) perception is far more closely linked to memory than you realize: it stimulates both the ability to recall things and the ability to commit those things to memory. 
So next time you study while rubbing yourself down with lavender oil, be sure to take some lavender oil to the test. 

 2 - Women Can Smell How Sexy Men Are


Most of us have heard that facial symmetry is one of the most important factors in a person’s level of attraction. But studies show that symmetry isn’t just something we see—it’s something we also smell.

In a study that (once again) involved smelling other people’s dirty T-shirts, scientists found that women will rate the smell of symmetrical men as more attractive than that of non-symmetrical men—even when they’ve never smelled, seen, or even met the men in question before.

Basically, sexy people smell sexy—and so do their clothes.

 1 - You Can Smell How Healthy Your Offspring Will Be


Humans consistently make their choice of sexual partner based on whether or not the other person’s Major Histocompatibility Complex is different from their own. The Major Histocompatibility Complex, or MHC, are the molecules in the body that fight foreign invaders, like germs and viruses.

Choosing a mate with a different MHC than your own will improve your offspring’s MHC, meaning that they’ll have a stronger immune system and will be more resistant to disease. Women are most likely to be attracted to men who have a different MHC—and interestingly, it seems that the sense of smell is pretty much the only way to determine the compatibility.

The best piece of advice for young people looking to find a serious partner? Follow your nose.

J. F. Sargent is a workshop moderator and frequent contributor at Cracked.com

Thursday, December 13, 2012

You phoned

... this is what I didn't say.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

New

staring at a full moon
spilling over crashing waves
spraying foam in shining eyes
staring at a full moon
- MOSSEL BAY, 27 NOV 2012

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR - DANNY ROSE




Uploaded by  on Mar 27, 2012
"This is my marriage proposal video to the love of my life. I cant imagine anyone telling us we cannot get married! The song is available on iTunes and 100% of the profits will goto marriage equality. Please enjoy and share and comment!"

http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/what-are-we-waiting-for-single/id512975897

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Blitzkrieg: a holiday in retrospect

The Lunar New Year.
9 days off.
Death in the family.
Major surgeries scheduled for 3 family members.

Time to go home.


  • Friday: Classes end, clean up. Finally got an answer to my marriage proposal: No.
  • Saturday: Packed ex's belongings, departed for Hong Kong, then Johannesburg.
  • Sunday: Had a lovely brunch with friends at OR Tambo, flew to George, visited Grandpa's ashes, cried when I sat down in his house and realized he's passed through the veil. Family time.
  • Monday: Jetlag, NGO meeting, processed orders of business cards. Time with my folks.
  • Tuesday: Family time, office time, groceries, made chocolate desert, supper club in Groot Brak.
  • Wednesday: Dept. of Home Affairs, meeting with our attorney, quick visit with my uncle, dinner at Transkaroo.
  • Thursday: Family time, checked in with friends in Mosselbaai.
  • Friday: Meeting with NGO affiliates, farewell hugs, dinner with Gran, pack for the return flight.
  • Saturday: George airport closed due to adverse weather conditions, special time with Dad, missed flight to Hong Kong, Special time with Jonathan in Johannesburg.
  • Sunday: Checked in early, missed a wedding in Kaohsiung, relaxed in The D Lounge at OR Tambo, boarding for Hong Kong in 40 minutes.


Pulling myself towards myself.

Taiwan, ready or not, here I come!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

True Colors: it gets better


turn up the volume
and view this in full screen

thank you to the Gay Men's Chorus of LA!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

oh my aching heart

You Belong With Me - Gay Version with Voice

I just love little tidbits like these, that tug on my heart-strings and tear ducts - and remind me I'm human.

Monday, December 14, 2009

prayer request

i know this isn't really what anyone wants to read so close to the festive season, but if you have the inclination, please spare a thought or two:
for my old friend Leon, who has lost the battle against cancer and can now only wait...
for Love to grow and heal where me and Peter so desperately need it, and
for our friends and families that have their own journeying and healing to go through.

and remember - live life fully and live life now.
tomorrow... well, tomorrow is not a promise we can keep.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

reprise: Adam Lambert "Time For Miracles"





It’s late at night and I can’t sleep
Missing you just runs too deep
Oh I can’t breathe thinking of your smile

Every kiss I can’t forget
This aching heart ain’t broken yet
Oh God I wish I could make you see

Cause I know this flame isn’t dying
So nothing can stop me from trying

Baby you know that
Maybe it’s time for miracles
Cause I ain’t giving up on love

You know that
Maybe it’s time for miracles
Cause I ain’t giving up on love
No I ain’t giving up on us

I just want to be with you
Cuz living is so hard to do
When all I know is trapped inside your eyes

The future I cannot forget
This aching heart ain’t broken yet
Oh God I wish I could make you see

Cuz I know this flame isn’t dying
So nothing can stop me from trying

Baby you know that
Maybe it’s time for miracles
Cuz I ain’t giving up on love

You know that
Maybe it’s time for miracles
Cause I ain’t giving up on love
No I ain’t giving up on us

Baby can you feel it (comin’)
Yu know I can hear it (here in my soul)
Baby when you feel me feeling you
You know it's time

Friday, December 11, 2009

sometimes you just have to love

this old life's a great, big game
or, at times, a dirty, rotten shame
but through the bickering and bantering
som bric-a-brac and slandering
one thing stands above
sometimes, you just have to love

when your lover breaks your heart
by acting like a tart
or silence builds a prison
you didn't want to be in
there's not much use for sunscreen
or being a royal Prejean
maybe, you just have to love

and if, perhaps, one random morning
when trying to sleep gets kinda boring
after all your plans have gone belly-up
and you're just so close to giving up
get up and rouge it
you gotta live through it
and yeah, you just have to love